sexplanations

Has Lindsey been having sex?

Published: July 29th 2016, 7:02:38 am

I think the last time I wrote, or the time before that I had said that I kept coming up with great sex tips while having sex and wanted to make more of an effort to write them down so you'd, you know, know about them (and the frequency of my playtime). Your Sexplanations-less inbox may indicate I've done nothing intimate.... but it's not true! I've actually just had a different revelation about sex, that it's important for my family. Let me explain. 

You see in my private practice I work with so many couples whose sex lives have been distorted by having children. The story is repeated again and again, "we had a great sex life, got pregnant, and then things just kind of dwindled to the point that it's really infrequent." They want to want to have sex; they don't want sex. 

I knew the story so well. How mothers breastfeeding were unwilling to have their partners pawing at them too. How the dishes pile up. And there's just no time. Or space. Or privacy. And all the while I'd be sitting in my red chair, jotting down notes, wondering if they knew what I knew. Time isn't made, it's prioritized. Sex bonds partners. Partners co-parent children. Sex improves parenting! 

Then, very quickly, within a few months, my one-teenager-two-parent home welcomed another 15 year old and a 5 year old. I got exactly what my clients wrestled with almost overnight. Exhaustion, messes everywhere, errands, dinners, playgrounds, desperation for peace, and lack of sex drive. BUT "not me," I thought to myself. I know better. "Time is not made, time is prioritized, sex improves parenting," I recited. 

And I took on a sex-every-other-day philosophy with my partner. To be fair, sometimes the definition of sex is stretched to mean sensual back scratches as we doze off negotiating who lets the chickens out in the morning. But other times it's an event -- seven glorious orgasms that can carry us through seventeen temper tantrums the following day. 

Maybe this is a sex tip, maybe not. What I'm offering is insight into my days. They're busy mostly with raising the next generation not to abuse the one after them. I love sexplaining with all my heart and give it everything I can but you better believe that I will not sacrifice my own sexuality for those kids or my work or my clients. Because for me, having sex improves everything. I write better scripts, I perform better shoots, I'm kinder to myself and my fellows. I feel better physically. 

Here's the tip: prioritize it.