Published: April 28th 2023, 12:00:03 pm
"I'm not sure this is the best idea," Heather fretted, pacing anxiously in front of Lizzie. "After what happened today..."
Lizzie sighed, pulling her foot back up and under her bottom, having not noticed at first it had slipped out from where she'd had it tucked while she told Heather about her plan. She probably wasn't inspiring much confidence, curled up on the sofa like this in one of Heather's old t-shirts and a Pull-Up, almost the exact same position Heather had left her in that afternoon.
To be fair, she wasn't feeling a ton of confidence in herself, either. She'd had plenty of close calls over the years, some that might, technically, have been closer than what had happened in Luther's office, that could have more easily led to her being forcibly adopted and regressed to babyhood...
That wasn't how it had felt in the moment, however. Right then and there, feeling her body push, hearing herself grunt as her diaper swelled, she could have sworn it had already happened, that she'd lost all of her adulthood, never be be found again, her mind so full of mortification that it started to short-circuit, to forget some of the most very basic things, like why she was there, how she shouldn't sit down after she'd pooped her pants... She'd never gone through anything like that, had never had a failure that hit so hard...
So she was tempted to agree with Heather, to avoid going back at all costs. She wasn't sure she could handle a repeat of that, didn't know if she had it in her to bounce back a second time; she wasn't sure she'd fully done that the first time yet. As her foot slid underneath her, she noticed a squishiness in her Pull-Up, a warmth in the padding, one that she was certain hadn't been there before, that she definitely hadn't created intentionally.
But... She did have a job that she needed to get done. And she was determined not to fail, not to let this defeat her, no matter how humiliated she had been, and continued to be, feeling Heather's worried eyes on her, knowing the woman was seeing her as she had been a few hours ago, in the office, messing her diaper helplessly, reverting to a useless toddler unable to do her task once she had a load in her pants, despite how much the two of them had risked to get her there...
"I'll be ready this time," she promised, her voice sounding small and weak, regardless of her best efforts to project the opposite. "I-I was just surprised, that's all..."
Heather's nostrils flared, her eyes narrowing. "Cassie," she hissed.
"No!" Lizzie shook her head. "Y-You didn't do anything to her, did you? It wasn't her fault!"
It was partially - at least - a lie, but it wasn't as if Cassie had brought that candy with her, most likely, that Lizzie knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she'd given it to her knowing what it would do. She appreciated that Heather was so upset at the girl for what had happened, that she wasn't simply pleased with her for giving her what she'd wanted all along; Cassie didn't deserve the worst of what Heather was capable of, however.
Heather sighed, shaking her head, calming down slightly. "No, I didn't... If you want me to tell her not to come in tomorrow, though..."
It might not be a bad idea, not only for Lizzie's sake, since she wanted to avoid as much as possible that would remind her of today, but for the secretary's as well, giving Heather more time to cool off. But was that something Cassie would want? Maybe she needed that day's paycheck to make her rent...
"We have to act like today wasn't anything special," Lizzie said, doing her best to follow that advice, to bring back some of her usual confidence. "As far as anyone knows, I..." She paused, squirming on the sofa, blushing, not even making it all the way through one sentence before failing at the instructions she'd just given. She couldn't say it again, couldn't give voice to the degrading act, though thinking about it was enough to set her cheeks aflame. "I-I do that all the time."
Saying it that way didn't help matters, the pause almost making it sound disconnected, as if she were stating a fact. They both knew it wasn't the case, that she, in fact, never had, not since she'd been an actual baby, yet that did nothing to lessen the embarrassment of the words, of the apparent confession.
"If you did it all the time, I wouldn't have let you wear Pull-Ups," Heather pointed out.
"But you did have diapers ready to go," Lizzie countered.
It was Heather's turn to blush, not having a good response for that. "It's what any good Mommy would do," she offered, unable to deny that it did, indeed, make it look like she was prepared for this exact thing, even if she would have never expected it to happen.
"And if any good Mommy saw me... do that... would she let me wear trainers to a play-date the very next day?" Lizzie asked.
Heather's eyes widened. "Lizzie, you want me to diaper you?"
"N-No!" Lizzie shook her head. "O-Of course not, but... I-It would be weird if I wasn't, right?"
"Not necessarily," Heather waffled. "If it was your first time, and just because you were feeling sick..."
"If I was sick enough to do that, would you trust I was feeling well enough by the very next day that there would be no chance of a repeat?" Lizzie shrugged. "And if I really was your baby, like everyone thinks, it wouldn't have been the first time..."
Heather hesitated, but Lizzie could see she was getting through to her. It was quite the role reversal, Lizzie having to talk her into this, though she did appreciate Heather not simply jumping on the opportunity as soon as it presented itself. Probably, she was worried there would be a repeat of this afternoon, and it was nice to know Heather didn't want that, either, had seen how shaken Lizzie had been coming out of it.
"He gave us the perfect second chance," she told Heather. "We can't let that go to waste... And we can't give him any reason to question us. He saw me..." She bit her lip, taking a deep breath. "He saw me mess my diaper," she said. "I-I did it right in front of him... And he would have made me put one on when I got to his office anyway."
"But we could do that before we go to the play-date!" Heather protested. "You don't have to be in one the whole time! If anyone notices and thinks its weird, we'll say you had an accident in my office and I decided you needed them. And that way, at least he won't be the one to do it."
That might work, or if anyone knew about Luther's rules, them heading to his office would be enough justification... Still, as much as she she liked having a way out, she knew it would be a mistake.
"It'll be easier this way," she said. "And I need to get used to them... If I wait until then, I'll be distracted by them again, like I was today. If I'm in them all day, it won't be something new that's sprung on me at the last minute. If I spend the whole morning in them..."
She didn't want to say she'd forget she was wearing them; it was true, for one thing. She didn't think it would be, anyway... They were so bulky, so crinkly, so childish... She wasn't sure she could ever forget that was what she had on, certainly not in the space of a few hours. It could help start that process, however, make it so she could think about something else while she was there.
"Okay," Heather gave in. "If you say it's the right call, I trust you."
Lizzie swallowed, part of her having hoped Heather would say no, that she'd put her foot down... That, or she'd take over and insist that they do it, to take the decision out of Lizzie's hands, make it not her responsibility. It was, though... This was her job, and they were doing this for her. She was the one who had ruined their first attempt, and it was on her to make the second work out, no matter what it took.
"I-It is," she nodded, with as much confidence as she could muster.
Heather sighed, smiled. "All right, then... We'd better pick you out an outfit."
Lizzie hopped off the couch, following her to the nursery, to the little collection of clothes in the closet, feeling grateful when Heather intentionally veered away from anything that would make the bulge of her diaper too obvious, or leave them outright visible, and that the Amazon didn't suggest starting the process of getting used to her diapers now, after discovering the accident Lizzie had in her Pull-Ups, and that she didn't mention counting that accident as one of Lizzie's strikes.
That was nothing compared to going to bed that evening, cuddling up next to Heather, and having the woman lean down and plant a kiss on her. Not on her forehead, or the top of her head, or even her cheek - right on the lips, with a fire very different from what Lizzie was used to from her. "I am so proud of you," Heather told her. "You are so brave..."
Lizzie smiled, staring up at her. "I'm proud of you, too. You did such a good job today... And tomorrow, we're going to do even better, and finish this, okay?"
Heather nodded, kissing her again, sending a tingle all the way through the smaller woman's body, straight to her curling toes. "Yes," she promised, "we will."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lizzie turned to look over her shoulder, a part of her embarrassed at being caught here, even though she'd known it would happen eventually.
"Morning, kitten," Heather said from the doorway. "You're up early."
Lizzie nodded. There was no need to tell her how long she'd been awake, unless she asked, assuming that Lizzie had been as stealthy at slipping out of bed as she hoped, that Heather hadn't known as soon as Lizzie had made her way here.
"What's wrong?" Heather furrowed her brow. "Much as I'd like to tease you about being eager to get back into diapers, I'm sure that's not it. Are you having second thoughts? I can reschedule, and..."
Second thoughts... That was accurate, Lizzie supposed, if not in the way Heather meant. "No," she told her. "We're doing it today."
Heather sidled up next to her, rubbing her arm comfortingly. "Are you thinking about yesterday? I'm not going to leave you with anyone, especially not Cassie, so it won't happen again."
She was getting closer to the truth, enough so that Lizzie blushed and squirmed in response. She had been positive the accident hadn't been her fault, that it was the candy... And yet... What if it wasn't? She'd said it mostly to save Cassie, in case she truly hadn't known what the candy was, but her own words had come echoing back to her in the night, as she laid awake in Heather's arms.
'M-Maybe it was my fault...' Could she say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it wasn't? She assumed it had been the candy the receptionist had given her, however, she didn't know, just like she didn't know what the candy was even actually meant to do. She could make assumptions, based on her experiences with the sort of person the receptionist seemed to be; she didn't have confirmation one way or the other, though.
What if it had been her baby side taking over after seeing herself turned into a doppelganger for Mia? She wanted to feel sorry for the girl, like she did for other littles she saw captured and regressed, yet, from what she could tell from the brief time she'd spent around her, there was no sign that Mia felt sorry for herself, that she didn't enjoy it as much as her caretakers.
Could it be that, after all this time, she was mistaken about why she kept thinking of Mia? Maybe it wasn't that she was afraid of becoming like her... Maybe she was looking up to the girl, wanting to have that, to be able to give that to Heather... Maybe Mia was, subconsciously, her role model, and as soon as she'd wound up that close to copying her, her body had decided to go the rest of the way...
Maybe... She didn't think that was the case, but she couldn't rule it out, either, not with enough certainty to want Cassie to be punished. It did make her very nervous about what she'd actually come into the nursery for, though. She wasn't going to be wearing the same outfit as Mia again - no good Mommy would take their baby out in the same thing two days in a row, would have that few cute outfits they'd want to show their little off in - yet the spirit of Mia was still going to haunt her, she suspected, considering what she had in mind.
They'd worked hard last night, figuring out what they could do, how they could use the limited clothing pieces they had to make the least babyish outfit that didn't look too much like what she'd worn the day before. They'd settled on the onesie and shorts. She had worn both of those yesterday, but under other things, so it wouldn't be as obvious that they were repeats. Her diaper bulge wouldn't be awful. It would probably be noticeable, perhaps a bit more than in the shortalls.
"Too bad you didn't let me buy more yesterday," Heather had teased while they went through every combination they could think of to find the best one. "A nice romper might have done the trick!"
Lizzie stayed quiet, following Heather out to the kitchen to have breakfast. It was difficult to say she was deep in thought, since she'd already made up her mind, was determined not to change it... It was more like she was working up the courage, both to commit to it, and to let Heather know, picking at her food as she fidgeted in her chair.
"You have to eat," Heather told her. "You need your strength."
Her cheeks warmed, realizing Heather had spotted her, had read her like a book, the way she always did. Did she also know what was bothering her, what she had planned? It would make it easier if she didn't have to say it...
She had the length of Heather's shower to mull it over one last time; if she hadn't taken a shower yesterday in an attempt to clean every last bit of mess off of her, she would have taken one herself, too, had that time as well, but since she had, once Heather was out of the shower and dressed, she was ready to get Lizzie prepared for the day.
Lizzie stood by, watching as Heather readied one of the kitten diapers while she was supposed to be getting undressed, glancing over at her collection of diapers to confirm that she was right, that what she needed was there. Heather finished unfolding the diaper, giving it a pat and turning towards her, blinking in surprise to see Lizzie still fully dressed. "Do you want to wait a few more minutes?" she asked. "We don't have to leave right away, but..."
"No," Lizzie said. "We should do it now. I-I just thought... Can you use one of those booster pads?"
"Really?" Heather tilted her head.
"Y-You have so many of them," Lizzie pointed out.
"Well, yes," Heather shrugged. "With the diapers, I just got one or two of each usually, when I thought they were cute, or someone mentioned they were particularly good, and I could get a sample of them... With boosters, I don't have to worry about designs, or sizes, and it isn't like they're going to make the diapers less absorbent, so for a while, if I saw them on sale, I'd buy a whole package or two just to have."
"Right," Lizzie nodded. "It won't mess with your collection if you use one now, then... And maybe put a couple in the diaper bag for today."
"No, not at all," Heather said. "But..."
"I know," Lizzie interrupted. "They're going to make my diapers thicker. It's fine."
"You're sure?" Heather frowned. "You don't have to do this..."
"I know I don't, Mommy," Lizzie told her. She wanted to keep going, to let Heather in on what she was going to do; she was afraid giving voice to it would make it too real, would make her chicken out.
Heather looked her in the eye, saw her determination. "All right," she conceded, bending over to get a booster. Finally, Lizzie began to shed her pajamas, stripping down so that Heather could lift her up and onto the waiting diaper, could powder and lotion her up and tape her into it, the smaller woman wiggling her bottom, feeling the extra bulk there, more than she'd anticipated from a single added pad. "Is it too much?" Heather asked.
"No," Lizzie assured her, sitting up, raising her arms for the onesie. It took more of a tug to pull the cloth over her padded crotch this time, and it cradled the diaper a little tighter against her, though it was designed to contain even thicker ones than this if it had to. The plastic was peeking out from around the legbands, crinkling loudly with her every wiggle, very obvious underneath the garment, to say the least.
She hadn't said anything to Heather, could continue to stay silent and let her finish dressing her, the way they'd intended. The shorts would help a bit, would muffle the sound of the diaper, hide the bulge somewhat. Anyone knowing what to look for would spot it, but she might slip past some people who weren't thinking about it, who were distracted, perhaps.
"No," she said again, both to herself at that possibility, and to Heather as she picked up the shorts.
Heather paused. "What's that?"
Lizzie gulped, squirming in her seat, feet swinging anxiously. "No, Mommy," she repeated. "I-I don't need those."
"What are you talking about?" Heather frowned.
"I-I'm not wearing the shorts," Lizzie informed her. "Th-This is my outfit... A-Along with my shoes, of course."
Heather was taken aback. "Elizabeth! Everyone will see...!"
"Yes, I know!" Lizzie whined, blushing. "I-I don't need you to remind me of that... I just... I-I think that's what I need to do. Luther is going to want to make sure I'm diapered, and even if he can tell I have one under my shorts, I feel like he might make me prove it anyway, and..." She didn't even know how to vocalize how badly that had thrown her off balance the day before, and, thankfully, she knew she didn't have to, that Heather was aware. "I think it'll be easier if... I-If I make sure he doesn't have to. A-And if I spend the whole day like that, maybe I'll get used to it a little more. Right?"
Part of her wanted Heather to say no, to tell her it was an awful, insane idea... But Heather didn't do that. "You don't have to do that," she told Lizzie instead. "We can take the shorts off before we go to his office."
"We could," Lizzie replied, having thought of that, too, obviously. "If it's the first time I'm doing it, though, and he's the first person to see me like that... I-I don't think it'll be much better. If I let everyone in the office see me... Well, maybe by the time we get to the play-date, I'll be desensitized to it a bit more."
"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to," Heather said after a moment. "But... If you think this will help..."
"I-I don't know," Lizzie admitted. "I think it's worth a try, though."
Heather looked down at her, taking the deep breath Lizzie felt like she needed herself so badly. "Okay," she caved in, Lizzie's heart beating faster, wondering if she should count this as a victory or not as she saw the Amazon folding the shorts back up and setting them down on the changing table. "That's good enough for me."