Published: July 22nd 2017, 5:00:01 pm
Seeing that social worker was the last time I got REALLY SUPER DEPRESSED. It really sucks having people not believe you when you say you're struggling. It sucks even more when you've spent your whole life hearing people tell you that you're not trying hard enough.
As a side note, this is ESPECIALLY frustrating when, smack in the middle of an opioid epidemic I was given a prescription for opioids WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN ASK FOR THEM. My dentist was just like "are you in pain?" and I was like "Kinda, yeah, you ripped part of a tooth out of my head." and my dentist was like "HERE IS A PRESCRIPTION CALL ME WHEN YOU NEED MORE"
When I started seeing a psychiatrist he was like "Well, I'm probably not going to give you meds for ADHD. I might give you meds for depression/anxiety but I'm still not totally sure you need them."
I was like, "Ok, lets keep talking. If you think I can do without them, great. I don't want to take anything till you're sure that I need it."
It's been a few months and my depression and anxiety was mild to moderate, I kept seeing my psychiatrist and saying "Actually, I've been pretty good." It felt like taking a car to a mechanic and having it not make that weird noise it's been making. But, whatever, it's a process.
This week, same thing. I was getting ready for my appointment and really not sure what I was going to talk about. Things had been good. Again. And then I thought "Well, yeah, but aren't there not-so-good things that you're just ignoring? Like the fact that it's physically impossible to get to your desk? You can't open the door to your wardrobe because of all the clothes piled up outside of it. Maybe that is not normal?"
So I went to my appointment and talked about my apartment and how, even though I knew that cleaning and organizing was a thing that humans could do, I had no idea how *I* could do it, no matter how many times I tried. I talked how one of my jobs had been paying me a full $10 an hour less than we'd agreed on and I didn't know how long that had been happening. I talked about other things that people seemed to do all the time, as easy as breathing, that just seemed impossible or incredibly difficult to me.
He took a lot of notes and ended the session by saying "Maybe next time we should revisit the topic of Medication."