A photo with water droplets and a sad text about me
Yesterday I was very wrong to think I was feeling better — in both ways.
Not long after posting, I had a nervous breakdown, and the next morning (today), my physical condition got worse too.
But I think the emotional collapse hit me even harder. I desperately wanted to distract myself with something. I thought about playing games or watching a movie, a cartoon, videos, the news — anything — but everything just felt unbearably boring and meaningless. I wandered from place to place. Tried things, got frustrated, went to bed, tried to rest or sleep, then moved to the living room and sat there trying to do something, then went out on the balcony and just stared into the distance. Over and over again. The sense of meaninglessness and boredom kept growing until I couldn’t take it anymore — tears just started pouring down my face like waterfalls. I don’t remember when I fell asleep, but I woke up with a swollen face.
Today there’s no sense of hopelessness anymore, but something else is there — hard to describe.
And I think I had some kind of vegetative nervous reaction today for the first time, but I’m not sure. If I don’t feel better tomorrow, I’ll go see a doctor.
Anyway, things are really hard for me right now.
And the day after tomorrow, I’m leaving for a border run. Why do I get sick every time before a border run? It’s a mystery.
In any case, I’m not looking for advice right now — it’s hard for me to process — and I’m not expecting anything special. Just keeping you updated.
