sexplanations

updates -- happy sads

Published: May 24th 2020, 8:53:15 pm

Hi All, 

Let’s have a board meeting. I’m writing from my couch in my new house four blocks from the sea on the east coast of the Baja Peninsula in Mexico. As you may know I came here to improve my physical health, work on a book, and make your support go further. I also happen to be learning what it’s like to live in a fairly secluded village with the company of 4-9 dogs. It’s special. Lonely. Magical. 

This week I’m hoping to have all the dogs placed and transported to their forever homes. That leaves me and Donna (my dog) to shelter in place. I have set up four writing spaces to focus on the book and have prepared a lot of meals to keep things easy BUT I’m an ambivert and struggling. I miss the man who planned to live here with me but couldn’t. I miss the friends I made to survive missing the man. I miss a different man who distracted me from missing my friends. And now, I anticipate missing the dogs who kept me company when one after the other, people went back to their communities. 

The videographer will be leaving too for the season and while I regroup, I think I need to wrap myself in Montanans who know me. I have to get me back to a saner mental state and I think this means going north. In the next two weeks. *chokes back tears*

This said, I don’t want to leave. I love the sunrises and view of the water. I love my new home and the comfort I’m learning to get from myself. I worked so hard to detach from the States and start again -- going back feels like retreating. It feels scary. What if I see the man I love and can’t cope? What if being around friends doesn’t really help? 

Stay curious ;o)

Yes, indeed. I don’t know what will happen but evidence from the past shows, it’ll probably be pretty great. I have support wherever I go. I have resources and options. I’m not stuck. I’m not done. I’m very capable and know that meds, therapy, Tiktok whatever are there for me if I want different results. I’m going to be better than I could have imagined and keep you updated. 

IF you have insight on any of this, I’d love to hear it. I’ll post a poll with specifics so you can respond by checking boxes if that’s easier. Also, feel free to share your own ponderings. I want to be here for you too. In all the upside down of the world right now, it’s stabilizing to be of service and act as if we aren’t in crisis. 

I’m curious and in awe of you. 

Thanks for holding space for me.