sexplanations

June 18 SEX TIP: Say yes more often. I was working with a client today who reminded me that at the beginning of relationships we’re up for much more to spend time with each other. We’re willing to go on muggy walks with insects biting at us and eat at restaurants where we’d otherwise worry about food poisoning. In more glamorous dating we’d spend hundreds of dollars on meals and outfits for our dates; we’d plan the dates! As time passes there’s less of a risk that our true preferences will compromise the relationship future and we begin turning down experiences more and more. “Nah, let’s just have leftovers.” “Ugh, I’m not up for doing anything; wanna just watch Netflix?” The vitality of new relationship energy dwindles in many of us and that includes our sex lives. The original “I’ll fulfill all your fantasies” attitude eventually becomes “sure, but make it quick.” After talking this tendency over with my client, I was to meet my partner of seven years for lunch near my downtown office. He recommended the cajun restaurant at the back of a hole in the wall bar where I presume many of my friends have gotten food poisoning. I say “yes.” I say yes not because I lack no boundaries or self-care, not because I welcome diarrhea or because I even like their food. I say yes because I know that my relationship, my sex relies on me to draw from memory what it is like to be in the early stages and part of that is an open, enthusiastic readiness to have adventures. I ordered Gumbalaya. Three-quarters through the meal I admitted to not being able to eat it because it was so spicy. I wasn’t whining the way I usually would at a restaurant I poo-pooed without trying. He didn’t scoff at my complaints like he may have if I’d not been willing to give his suggestion a go. Instead, I felt like I’d kindly tried and he cooed at me empathetically offering to get me something else for lunch. That’s what I hope for all of your sex lives! For you to say yes more often (as long as you consent) and open yourself to the adventures a less stagnant version of you would be all about. And your partners follow suit. Try a new position, buy a sex book, play with whipped cream, share your fantasies, role-play, turn on the lights, crawl around on the floor naked, just try. When it’s awkward, like you get something in your eye mid-sexy-time, just say so. No need to ward off adventures all together because things will get awkward. It is better to have tried and fumbled than to not try at all. Except maybe in the case of food poisoning. Stay curious.

Published: June 19th 2015, 4:58:34 am

June 18 SEX TIP: Say yes more often. I was working with a client today who reminded me that at the beginning of relationships we’re up for much more to spend time with each other. We’re willing to go on muggy walks with insects biting at us and eat at restaurants where we’d otherwise worry about food poisoning. In more glamorous dating we’d spend hundreds of dollars on meals and outfits for our dates; we’d plan the dates! As time passes there’s less of a risk that our true preferences will compromise the relationship future and we begin turning down experiences more and more. “Nah, let’s just have leftovers.” “Ugh, I’m not up for doing anything; wanna just watch Netflix?” The vitality of new relationship energy dwindles in many of us and that includes our sex lives. The original “I’ll fulfill all your fantasies” attitude eventually becomes “sure, but make it quick.” After talking this tendency over with my client, I was to meet my partner of seven years for lunch near my downtown office. He recommended the cajun restaurant at the back of a hole in the wall bar where I presume many of my friends have gotten food poisoning. I say “yes.” I say yes not because I lack no boundaries or self-care, not because I welcome diarrhea or because I even like their food. I say yes because I know that my relationship, my sex relies on me to draw from memory what it is like to be in the early stages and part of that is an open, enthusiastic readiness to have adventures. I ordered Gumbalaya. Three-quarters through the meal I admitted to not being able to eat it because it was so spicy. I wasn’t whining the way I usually would at a restaurant I poo-pooed without trying. He didn’t scoff at my complaints like he may have if I’d not been willing to give his suggestion a go. Instead, I felt like I’d kindly tried and he cooed at me empathetically offering to get me something else for lunch. That’s what I hope for all of your sex lives! For you to say yes more often (as long as you consent) and open yourself to the adventures a less stagnant version of you would be all about. And your partners follow suit. Try a new position, buy a sex book, play with whipped cream, share your fantasies, role-play, turn on the lights, crawl around on the floor naked, just try. When it’s awkward, like you get something in your eye mid-sexy-time, just say so. No need to ward off adventures all together because things will get awkward. It is better to have tried and fumbled than to not try at all. Except maybe in the case of food poisoning. Stay curious.