samantha_twin

Happy birthday to me!

Published: December 23rd 2021, 8:37:16 am

Hello everyone! ^w^

Today’s my birthday, and I wanted to use this time to tell you a few things about me and thank you for all your support on the last months.

My name is Samantha Cristina, tough I prefer to be called just Samantha or Sam, and yes, I’ve legally changed my name a few years ago, and I’m a trans woman. Today I turned 29 and, for the first time in my life, I’m happy doing what I do.

You’ll see, I’ve been dealing with depression for more than half of my life, since I was around 12-14 years old. Mostly because of dysphoria, being aware that I’m not like cis women, thinking about how things should have been, being almost always alone, not fitting anywhere…

I dropped from high school many years ago. I couldn’t keep a stable job because of my emotional state and lack of motivation, I didn’t know what to do with my life, but there was one thing that I really loved, and it was daydreaming. I’ve read that Naoko Takeuchi, Sailor Moon’s creator, said once: “I was in a bad place, so I wrote about girls I wished were my friends” and I really like that quote, because I feel exactly the same.

I started to imagine these 5 girls (that would later be 7) and I gave them their own lives to get myself distracted from my own. Every one of them has a piece of my soul, and even though I know that the most popular right now are Avelyn and Elizabeth, I love them all equally.

I’ve drawn them for 5 or 6 years, I’ve written about them, but I was afraid of sharing their stories with the world, and just sharing drawings of them didn’t get much attention.

They were what I loved to do the most, and I felt as if they were just a waste of time. Exactly one year ago I was drawing Lizzy and Lynn while thinking about giving up and go search for a job I knew I couldn’t keep without my mental health getting even worse. 

Then, on last April, I uploaded one of my drawings to Reddit with a text I’m sure you all have read, “The first time I saw myself in the mirror”, and I started to get many positive comments. Suddenly there were people who wanted to know more about my characters, and that really motivated me to write and draw more. Then I posted “How things have changed” and it also had a good reception.

That’s when I decided I wouldn’t give up on this, but to give it more time than ever. Finally, I had found something I loved to do and that had a use, since those comments saying that my drawings and stories helped others, or gave them hope, always made me so happy.

Also I started to count with your support, which allowed me to focus on this completely. I know I haven’t posted a lot of short stories lately, but I’m saving them to make a bigger, more complete story, and I think there they’ll have more value. I’m so excited to get to the end, as for me the last part of Lizzy and Lynn’s story is what I love the most, and I have it written, but we must start at the beginning.

I want to believe that the things I create really can mean something for someone out there, that somehow I can make a small change at least.

I have great aspirations, and even more stories to tell, and again I’m so thankful for all your support. This is the most productive year I’ve ever had, and I’m pretty sure that this 2022 will be even more.

I’m not sure if you’ll find this interesting, but I’ve wanted to talk about it for some time now, so:

At first I wanted to make a virtual band with my OCs. I’ve always been passionate about music, and one of my biggest dreams was to be a musician and have a band. I had the chance to be in a couple of bands, but none of those projects lasted enough time. Later I had to sell my instruments to pay for my HRT, but I hope I can buy new instruments soon (and I REALLY want to say thanks to Atsuko and Nina for their support on this! <3 You’re awesome and I promise soon I’ll start making music again!). Maybe my girls won’t be a virtual band anymore, but music will still play an important role in their lives.

Avelyn was to be a bassist, Elizabeth and Giselle guitarists, Eris played the drums and Valerie was the keyboardist/pianist. At least in my head, they all could sing x)

Elizabeth is heavily inspired in someone who was part of my life, who I loved with all my heart and who was my best friend. Unfortunately, she died several years ago, far away from me. I know I will always remember her.

Avelyn, of course, reflects a lot about me and my dreams as a transgender woman, but we are not the same person. Actually, I like to think about her as someone I can take care of and help in a way I wished someone could have helped me back then. My personal story is a lot different from hers, by the way.

Leaving aside being trans, Giselle is the most similar to me, as she suffers from severe depression and for a long time she feels lost in life, and has a creative outlet to her emotions.

Eris has a background story closer to sci-fi about self-perception and identity. It could work as another way to talk about gender identity, but I’m not sure if I should include many details in the manga yet.

Valerie is like a mother to all of them. And also is intersexual, something she’s aware of, and this helps her easily understand Lynn’s identity.

Parallel universe:

Estelle is Giselle’s “lost” sister. In her universe, Giselle is the one who is lost. Here Lily is also present. This story won’t see the light for some time, but I think it’s more of a psychological story. This one also has do to with gender identity, but in a very, very different way.

I think that’s it for today! ^^ Once again, I’m so happy to have you all and I couldn’t be more grateful. You’ve really given me a reason to keep going! Sorry if I write too much x) I love you and I hope I didn’t bore you! <3

(Old sketches with notes on their designs. Some things have changed since then)