samantha_twin

Lizzy Sketches + Personal Update (Sorry I have been inactive D':)

Published: March 31st 2024, 12:48:25 pm

Hello! I hope everyone is doing great!

It's not a secret that I've been suffering from depression for more than half of my life now x) And I try my best to keep going, but sometimes it just becomes too difficult u.u I finished February with a depressive episode (Possibly double depression, my dysthymia mixed with seasonal depression), got sick soon after, and ended up in bed with a high fever for a few days, complicated by the fact that I have allergies to some basic meds, so I couldn't do anything to feel better and had to let the infection follow it's course and resolve on its own (thank you, immune system!) and all that was followed by depression's best friend, anxiety u.u

I visited my therapist a week ago, (I've been going to therapy the last year, with some interruptions) but that session was quite difficult for me and I didn't feel great after it. I feel like I've got to a point where I just get stuck and can't make any more progress, which has already happened in the past with 3 different therapists, so, to be honest, I don't feel motivated to continue with therapy for now, but I know I can't leave at this point, so I'll keep trying and hopefully, I'll get past it this time. I've made progress because, despite starting HRT 5 years ago (currently not on it) and changing my legal name and gender 7 years ago, to this day I still boymode most days because I don't pass x) but lately I've felt more confident and been wearing my favourite clothes and makeup more often, each time less worried about what others think or say, and fortunately I've not had any bad experience like people trying to hurt me or saying bad things about me, just the usual misgendering, but not always xD So, therapy has been helpful, but there are certain things that I seem not to be able to overcome -n- My therapist has suggested medication, but we haven't got to that point yet. I've been thinking a lot this week, and even if I stay stuck a while in therapy, I still can keep going, so I've decided I'll keep doing all I can for now and not just give up. I'm not the healthiest or anything, but I know I still can give a lot more x)

Anyway, the last week I've just been busy, and it looks like I'll be able to catch up with most of my to-dos this week! And I've freed my agenda for April, I'll post all the things I had on my list for March and April if everything goes according to plan. Thank you all for your patience and support, I feel ashamed I can't do as much as I'd love to sometimes, and I'm thankful that many of you are understanding, but still I don't like to leave you waiting. I hope I can give you back a part of all you have given me <3 And thank you to all new supporters, I'll send you direct messages later today! I'm going to sleep right now, which I haven't been doing that well the last couple of days, but I'll start being active again today ^^