Published: December 7th 2022, 12:37:06 am
Tl;dr: I’ll be pausing my Patreon starting in January for at least 2 months, but maybe 3 or 4 months.
Hey everyone, hope you’re doing well! This is a bit long of a long read. I've had a lot on my mind.
I need to give an update about what's been happening with me, and the future of my Patreon. I’ve been thinking about this and bouncing it off friends for the past few months. But I wanted to make sure I was really serious before announcing anything. The more I thought about it, the more I realize it’s something I need to do.
Patreon is an amazing blessing, and I feel so extremely fortunate to have so many awesome supporters! My Patreon has grown to the point where it covers nearly all of my monthly expenses. This is why I haven’t needed to open for commissions more than four or five times in the past 2 years and I’ve been able to focus on my own work.
However, Patreon also has a pretty significant downside. As I’ve said to a few other people: it’s an endlessly hungry maw, always begging to be fed. Patreon rewards a certain type of “instant gratification” workflow. And it "punishes" creators, in the form of cancellations and lower monthly pledge amounts, for work that requires long-term development. What this means is I am constantly doing shorter, simpler projects or images that I can do quickly and post immediately in order to keep the post rate up and my patrons engaged. This type of work always takes precedence over longer term projects or personal development, because I can’t afford the time to do it. If I can’t turn something around in 2 or 3 days, there’s “no point” in doing it because I won’t have anything to post.
This has led to some significant burn-out for me. I’ve been running this Patreon almost nonstop since 2016—for 8 years now. That’s 8 years of constantly thinking about what the next picture will be: when will I post it? When will I get it done? What comes after that? Do I have enough in the pipeline for this week? What about next week?
Over time, this becomes death by a thousand paper cuts. No individual drawing is very stressful, and I love drawing all the kinky weirdness I do! But the unrelenting mental effort to keep up with the flow is getting harder and harder to deal with. I’ve been finding myself less and less inspired, less interested in the work I do. And I'm constantly thinking about doing other types of work, just wishing I could try new things.
I finally realized how bad this had gotten a few weeks ago when I had a really fun idea for a hand-drawn animation of Pulsar cumming in an endless loop. It’s a relatively simple one that I could probably do pretty easily. But I also know I don’t have a lot of experience with hand-drawn animation and they do take me longer to do. I thought to myself, purely automatically, “Well there’s no point in starting it. If I mess it up, I won’t have anything to post.”
I've never had thoughts like that before. I know that I've certainly procrastinated on starting things when I need a longer block of time to do them. But I never really put it in those words like that. (That said, I also know now the procrastination was a result of that same feeling.)
When I caught myself thinking that way, I realized I seriously needed to make a change. I was no longer doing animation because it was fun or even because I thought my fans would like it, but because it ticked a box of obligation. More worryingly—I wasn’t challenging or growing or even making the attempt at something different. I felt like I couldn’t spend 6 or 8 hours experimenting because if I messed up, that would be time “wasted”, when I could’ve done another sketch or two in that time and gotten the same amount of subs and likes and faves for it.
The same stress has led to a whole cascade of similar problems that I only just recently figured out fit that context: Posting work I wasn't happy with. Not coloring pictures I wanted to color because the sketch was 'good enough' and I needed to post something that day. Not taking the time to do alts I wanted to do because they'd take more time and maybe wouldn't be popular enough. Not fixing pictures I wanted to make better because I didn't want it to seem like I was being "lazy" rehashing old work instead of doing something new. These are all things I've struggled with in the past few years, and it kind of all hit me at once: all of this struggling and dissatisfaction and feeling like my art quality was slipping was due to trying to keep up with this constant need to post, post, post.
I need to take a step back and take an actual break. A sabbatical is probably a better word for it. I’ve got a bunch of things I’d like to do, and they all involve being able to experiment or play and not needing to have anything to show for it at the end of the day. A lot of this will include 3D work or learning more 3D techniques, but not necessarily for porn.
I’m not going to close down my Patreon. I will be returning to it eventually, even if I need to revamp it later or change how often I post in the future. But I’m not going to try and make that decision now because it’ll be influenced by the burnout I’m feeling.
For now, I'll be pausing Patreon for January and February—possibly a little longer depending on how things go. You won’t be charged as long as it’s paused. I have enough in savings to support myself for that time. So I’m just going to pay myself to take a sabbatical and see what happens.
I really appreciate your support and understanding and I hope you’ll hang on to your subscription for when I come back and start posting again!
Some questions I’ve been asked by friends:
Why don’t you just keep the Patreon open but not post? I’d still like to support you! You can just use Patreon as a tip jar.
The answer here is a little bit difficult to articulate. Patreon itself isn’t burning me out, per se. It’s the expectation that Patreon generates on an ongoing basis that’s burning me out. Part of this is on me, because I do try to post regularly. But keeping Patreon open as a tip jar doesn’t remove that expectation entirely. Even if I disclaim myself from posting, I’ll always be aware that I’m taking money without providing a service for it and that will continue to weigh on me.
Keep in mind, I’ve been doing this without a real break for 8 years. The burnout is a result of the near-daily low-level stressors of constant content generation building up over all that time. Constantly thinking just a few days ahead without ever getting a chance to breathe or regroup for some longer term plans, or even to just enjoy life. Pausing Patreon will provide an actual mental break which I really need.
What about Vorecurious?
I will finish it eventually, but I’m not sure how or when yet. My original plan when I started the comic was to have it wrapped up by the end of this year. Unfortunately that won't be possible. I do have the rest of the comic sketched out, so I can tell you there will be 21 pages in total. Page 14 was just posted, so there are 7 pages left. It’s all vore action too, so the comic ends up being roughly 50% story and 50% vore / porn. In other words, what’s left are all the good parts. I will definitely post at least one more page this month though, maybe two, possibly three.
I’ve got two options for the rest. I may just draw the remaining pages while I’m on break and post the completed comic for sale on GumRoad. Or I might just put it on hold for a few months and finish serializing it when I return.
I’m leaning towards the first option: keeping the momentum, finishing it up and posting it on Gumroad. If only because I don’t really want that project hanging over me the whole time I’m supposed to be on break. And that way I can also keep posting it publicly without running out of pages to post.
What about The Daily Grind?
I’m definitely going to finish this as well. However, this one has a lot farther to go (about 15 more images / scenarios I want to draw). And each pic stands on its own too, so there’s no build up or cliffhanger about what’s going to happen. I’ll almost certainly hold this project until I start posting again and then start it back up. It’s less of an “unfinished project” and more like a project that can be extended whenever I have time.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask in the comments. Thanks!