Published: March 14th 2023, 12:00:01 pm
He hadn't been able to help feeling a little sad, knowing that his time with Nanny was growing short, despite how nice it had been to sit there and color, secure in his fresh diaper, the knowledge of the conversation he'd had with her buzzing around his head. No more potty for him, not while he was here, with her...
Derrick had no doubt that, if it came down to it, if he really didn't want to, that Mrs. Holland would make an exception. None of this was completely real, just a game that they were playing... In the moment, however, it was hard to remember that, not when she was so good at treating him like a little kid, like any one of her other clients...
And, honestly, he knew that he didn't actually want her to let him off the hook; he suspected she knew as much. It truly did feel like she could read his mind, like it was impossible to fool her... Like he was a silly toddler, next to a full-grown adult. That was what he wanted, of course, and there was a part of him that was glad for it, glad to have someone who would push him, not allow him to chicken out. It was scary, too, though, in its own way.
Before, this had been a totally private thing, something he had full control over. He might imagine caretakers to tell him what to do, yet they were all coming purely from his mind, so they had no real authority, and weren't going to make him do anything he didn't want.
Now he had Nanny, and she was her own separate person, outside of him... And, already, after one session, he knew he was no match for her. He trusted her - he wouldn't have gone this far if he hadn't - but if she did ask him to do something he didn't want to, he wasn't confident he would, or could, stand up for himself.
It was definitely the next step of his journey into whatever this was, into his secret life of being an adult baby, and it was one he was lucky he was able to take, he was aware... That didn't make it any less daunting, however.
If that had given him any doubts about continuing with their arrangement, they were short-lived, quickly washed away by the fact that it was all he could think about after he was sent home, re-living the experience in his head with a smile. It seemed like such a small amount of time he'd spent there, when he considered it rationally, like he ought to be upset he'd been forced to spend part of it taking a nap and missing out, even if that had given him the opportunity to finally get up the courage to use his diaper, but, while he'd been there, time had almost slowed down, the way it had moved when he was a kid, when a single afternoon could feel like forever...
He still felt anxious, heading there for their next 'appointment', though it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been for the first. How long would it be, he wondered, before there was none of that, before he accepted heading off to daycare as being a normal part of his life? It seemed, in a way, like he'd be losing something when that happened, however, he'd be gaining so much more... And the idea of that was so exciting, so deliciously childish and embarrassing...
He did have to stop and debate with himself again about whether to put himself in a diaper before he left the apartment. This time, they went the other way... After Nanny's decision, her declaration that he had to be diapered at all times while under her care, he couldn't justify disobeying, showing up in his grown-up underwear, no matter how nice that first diapering had been. There would be more changes, more opportunities for that, he'd simply have to earn them by using his diapers. Considering he wasn't allowed to use the toilet, that shouldn't be a problem.
That didn't make it any easier at the moment, however, to face the inevitable challenge that the choice presented. If he was going to show up in a diaper, he'd have to put it on first, leave his place in it, and he had never done that, never gone outside padded up, except to go out to his car last time.
He'd almost called it all off then, his heart pounding as he was ushered towards the front door, as he recognized what was going on. Nanny had taken him to the front door, ushered him outside with a pat on the bottom, smiling from the door as he'd stood there on the porch, dumbstruck, positive everyone was staring at him, seeing the bulge beneath her shorts.
Of course, when he took a second to calm down, to think about it rationally, he realized that wasn't true, that 'everyone' was only a few people out working or playing in their own yards, not paying any mind to him at all. Until then, all he had been able to do was squirm and sniffle, looking up at Mrs. Holland until she asked, "Do you want me to walk you out to the car and buckle you in, sweetie?"
That did sound nice, honestly, even if it was more likely to draw attention than him just waddling his way over and doing it himself. He'd shaken his head, panic gradually ebbing away as his frenzied heartbeat slowed slightly. "N-No, ma'am," he'd nibbled his bottom lip. "Thank you."
She'd smiled, bent down to give him a hug, and one more comforting diaper pat. "You're very welcome, sweetie. Have a safe trip home, okay?"
The distance to the driveway, where his car was parked, had seemed to grow to a mile or more, yet, as daunting as it appeared at first, he'd made it without a single comment, or indication that anyone had seen him, or found his presence or attire strange. Sitting down in the driver's seat had felt odd, thanks to the juxtaposition of his infantile attire and the very mature thing he was about to do in driving himself home, but all it had taken to get him moving was a mental reminder that Malory would be getting home before too long, and if she saw him there, she'd want him to come inside, or would at least pester him about what he'd been doing there without her.
He had stopped on his way back to the apartment, however, at a gas station he knew had bathrooms accessible from the outside. Walking out to his car from Nanny's door was one thing... Walking into his apartment, not knowing if Branden was home or not, was another altogether, and one he didn't think he was ready for.
He'd held his breath as he slid out of his car, underwear balled up, clenched in one fist, praying that nobody would be there in the bathroom. There weren't many cars in the parking lot, but if he was unlucky, and one of those occupants was there already, saw him toddling in, diapered... He hadn't been sure he could take it.
Thankfully, it was empty, allowing him to slip into the stall and lock the door, quickly ripping off his diaper and pulling on his undies, practically dashing out of the stall to shove the diaper into the trash. He'd hated to waste a diaper that way, though he'd been so nervous, the plastic had ripped when he peeled off the tapes, so even if he'd had the guts to take it out to his car, he couldn't have re-used it without layering a second diaper on top of it.
What he was doing today wasn't nearly as bad as what might have happened then... Unless he just ran into him on the way out, he'd know that Branden wasn't there before he stepped out of his room. The neighbors were another story, but this time of day, there usually weren't many of them out and about, and if he kept his head down and kept moving, hopefully they wouldn't look twice at him.
That didn't stop his hands from shaking as he fastened the tapes, or as he pulled his shorts up over them, examining himself closely in the mirror, trying to decide if the diaper was disguised enough by his clothes. He put on a few different shirts, a few different pairs of pants, before the phone buzzed with a reminder, telling him that he needed to get going if he was going to make it to Mrs. Holland's house in time for his appointment.
He sighed, settling with what he already had on. He was sure you could still see a hint of a bulge beneath the sweatpants, but the same was true of everything he'd tried, and it was probably because he knew what he was looking for. He stuffed a pair of underwear into his backpack in case he wanted to change on his way home again and headed to the front door.
All he had to do, he gave himself a silent pep talk, was walk out the same way he always did. If he acted normal, there was no reason anyone would think anything of it. It didn't matter that he didn't feel normal, that he was very aware of the bulk between his legs, of the feeling of plastic against his thighs... If he didn't let it show, nobody would know.
He let out a deep breath he hadn't noticed he was holding and opened up the door, resisting the urge to break into a run. He closed the door and locked it, walking as slowly as he dared, the sound of his diaper crinkling almost deafening to his ears, making his palms sweat, stuffed into the pockets of his pants, even before he saw the woman coming towards him.
He knew her, in theory, was aware she lived in the building, though they'd never spoken, or done more than smile to each other when the passed. That was all he had to do now, he told himself. He thought he saw her glance up towards him, like she heard the sound of his diaper as well, but, despite his heart skipping a beat, he did his best to not show any reaction, to stay calm as she brushed by, so close, giving him her usual smile...
Right? There hadn't been anything more to it, had there? His smile back was definitely not quite right, not as casual as it ought to have been, but he didn't allow himself to get in his own head about it, to worry how she'd interpret it. He forced his feet to keep moving, keep dragging him forward out to his car, tossing his backpack into the floorboards of the passenger's seat and leaning back with a sigh, feeling safe and secure here in the privacy of his own vehicle.
And, in the end, it was all worth it when he got to the house and saw Mrs. Holland walking out to meet him, beaming as he stepped out and saw her proud smile, knowing right away what he was wearing. He hoped that didn't mean his neighbor had, too... Mrs. Holland had known what to look for, had been expecting it, so it was totally different... Or so he did his best to convince himself.
"Hi, there, Derrick!" she exclaimed. "Come on in!" She waited until they were in the house to compliment him. "What a good boy! You didn't fight your Mommy about wearing your diapers, did you?" Derrick blushed, shook his head. "Very good!" she patted him on the head. "I'm sure she did a good job, but why don't we take a peek..."
She slid his pants down, carefully adjusting the tapes, giving him a hint of the feeling of being diapered, while also being praised for doing as he'd been told, the best of both worlds. "That's better!" Nanny smiled. "We wouldn't want you to have any leaks at the park, now, would we?"
"Th-The park?" he gulped, fidgeting in place, equally excited and intimidated at the prospect. He was just a little boy here, though, he reminded himself, and if that was what his Nanny had decided they were going to do today, that was what was going to happen. So, he had to agree. "N-No," he said. "I-I guess we don't..."