Published: November 2nd 2023, 11:32:20 pm
If there was ever a time K de la Renta needed a crutch, it’s right now. They weren’t like P, a magical being with magic to calm their soul. Cigarettes were never going to do the trick for K, and alcohol would be an even worse cunsumption.
No crutch. Not one.
Just a mind of circling thoughts. The same thoughts they have every day. Another battle to contend with, a battle between them and their trauma—and today, K is sure they’re going to lose.
“Zillah fucking Arryn,” K mutters, their head hanging back, their breath looking like smoke as they speak.
They’re home now, K could easily scream, let out everything they had been holding in. It’s not like they even needed to hide their emotions, their friends would happily tell them to not keep such negative feelings bottled up—but that’s not K’s style.
It’s not necessarily about staying strong all the time, but them merely trying to prove to themselves that they’re okay. That this past trauma hasn’t continued to follow them around like the devil that stays perched on your shoulder—that’s what K needs—the latter.
They loosen one of the buttons of their outfit. If the circumstances were different, a gala at the Grand Royalton with their friends probably wouldn’t have been the worst thing…and a fake date with you, that was…
The sound of K’s doorbell pulls them out of their thoughts. They silently step over to the door, their muscles stiffen slightly, all until there’s a wave of familiarity over them. You.
Smiling during a night like this isn’t something K feels like they can genuinely muster up, but the mere idea of you does have the corners of their lips tugging upwards. They reach out a hand and pull the door open to find you standing outside it.
Your name tumbles out of their mouth first, no playful nickname. “What are you doing here?”
You pause and bounce from foot to foot. “I wanted to check on you.”
Such a nice gesture shouldn’t have K’s stomach in knots. It shouldn’t have K easily stepping aside an inviting you in, yet they do. You’re entering the vampire’s home, and suddenly K’s feeling self-conscious. You’re in their safe haven, their sanctuary, yet they can’t help but wonder whether it’s to your liking.
They avoid your statement at first, because that’s so much easier. Being hospitable, for you of all people, is something they’d much rather do. You’re standing in K’s kitchen, the two of you leaning on the kitchen island waiting for the kettle to boil.
“I didn’t think I’d see you here,” K murmurs, their fingers clasped together. This is the crutch they need. “You do know our date was fake, don’t you?”
Your eyes narrow but the playful tone in their voice is evident. You’re suddenly transported back to the time where you were told that K wouldn’t usually agree to something like a fake date, that they were less than confident about it, but went with the idea anyway.
“You could’ve fooled me,” you utter back, turning towards them fully. “Clearly you’re good at acting.”
K’s topaz eyes scan over you, study you. They practically feel as though there are parts of your features that are etched in their brain already, all permanent and filed under an imaginary folder with your name on it.
“Maybe I just find you tolerable,” K mutters back, a full smile on their lips now as the kettle clicks off.
You smirk. “You know, you can just say you like me.”
This shouldn’t be so fun, it shouldn’t be so easy either. This isn’t territory K crosses at all, especially such territory in their home when their bedroom is mere steps away. For something as fleeting as a one night stand, such words wouldn’t have been uttered. Only action would’ve been taken by them and whoever they’d brought home.
But, that isn’t even something they considered when it came to you. That could be due to many things, the main one being is that one night stands have never truly been a habit for K—they happen once in a blue moon. All alongside the fact that they never see your company as just fleeting because they truly hope you’ll stick around.
“Okay, I adore you,” K says back. “Is that better?”
They can’t take back the words, but do they even want to? They’re intrigued to see your reaction, to see whether this is something you’ll downplay, to see whether you’ll see through their distraction tactic, take the bait, and avoid discussing the thing that’s really on their mind.
Unfortunately for K, it’s the latter.
Here’s the thing about murder, here’s the thing about secrets—they have a way of pulling a group closer together—enough where you start to bond and notice the little things.
Your expression turns serious and K instantly sighs at it. “You still haven’t said whether you’re okay.”
“Of course not. None of us are.” They blink. “I know you’re not fine. I know you won’t sleep tonight. I know that Zillah won and fucked us over. No two ways about it.” K’s voice is strong and accusing when they say that, maybe a little too much because you both feel the tension in the air thicken. “I appreciate you checking.”
“I want us to be fine,” you blurt out. “You and me, and…if things were different then—”
“We wouldn’t be in this mess,” K finishes, as if that’s what you were about to say.
“No, we wouldn’t have met,” you correct.
What has K added to your life? Stress. Chaos. Fear of the unknown, even. Realistically, you should hate them, many humans would—yet the two of you attract to each other like a moth to a flame.
“Is that something you’d want?” you ask them.
Fuck no. That’s the simple answer without any complications attached. But K knows themself in and out. The immortality, the trauma, all the things that Zillah dug up in their mind and brought to the surface once more.
Adding someone else, adding you into a battling world like that is unfair. It’s almost cruel. Many will say that you have to take someone as they are, the dark parts of them included, but K continues to do all they can to keep that side of them hidden. There are truths they can’t bear to share.
“You’d be fine without me, rich kid.” A candid statement K thinks is true too.
You instantly shake your head and take a step closer towards them. “You need to understand. Even though we’re wrapped up in all this chaos, I’m glad that I’m with you.”
You don’t know it, you probably never will, but that’s a statement that will last K an eternity. One they’ll go back to and smile at every time.