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Health update

Published: February 13th 2025, 11:44:15 am

Some of my tests are ready.

I just can’t seem to wrap my head around everything after yet another visit to the cardiology department… My test results came back, and it turned out to be worse than I had hoped, which really upset me.

Quoting the doctor: “Let’s not assume that everything is fine and perfect—your results show severe inflammation in your heart.” I asked if that’s why my heart hurts so much and why I get these strong episodes of pain, and she said, “Of course.”

When I asked if I could fly on airplanes, she said she couldn’t give me a definitive answer but advised me to avoid it if possible.

Of course, they ordered a whole bunch of new tests, scans, and everything else. At this point, I feel like it would be easier (and cheaper) to just open my own damn hospital. 🙈

I asked what the worst-case scenario could be, and she said, “What already happened—a recurrent tamponade.”

On the bright side, I showed my doctor the data from my Oura ring, and she said it was incredibly useful. Thanks to it, she was able to confirm that I have tachycardia and asked me to bring a summary of my ring’s data in two months. So I’ll never stop thanking my friend for such a valuable gift.

Long story short, I went to the hospital in a good mood, singing along to music in the car, and now, looking at all this, I just feel like giving up.

I’m just so tired… and honestly, it feels like more than anything, I’m tired of life itself and of constantly fighting.

I just want to live a bright, fulfilling life without constant hospital visits, without being limited by physical pain. I want to go back to Iceland, I want to hike in the mountains again, like I used to. I want to do sports, I want to create something beautiful—I want to capture what my soul is aching to show the world. I want to make life better and kinder for the people and animals around me. I want to spend my life on something meaningful, not on the endless sight of hospital corridors.

As I write this, there is an uncontrollable scream inside me, calling out to the universe, begging for all of this to finally end.