mary-masked

Burlesque Princess Forged in the Heat of Battle

Published: October 28th 2016, 9:45:32 pm

My beloved Patrons, I had and ADVENTURE yesterday.
I was doing my GTA gig in Stonybrook, Long Island, which is always a long day because just getting there takes at least three hours. And this day we were doing three sessions, with five students in each session. So that's 15 GYN exams, six hours of commuting, and a whole lot of talking.
I shouldn't have agreed to a gig later that night, but they wanted my Lucifer act, which I like doing, and I don't have many opportunities to book. Still, I told the producers that I would be working in Long Island till around 5 and the train would take at least three hours. The show was starting at 8 and had two shows after it so that might be cutting it close. They decided it was worth the risk, which I was really very touched by. They could have just gotten someone else and I'm honored that they thought I was worth the hassle.

I finished my last session around 4:30 and should have had plenty of time to the to the Slipper Room, but the next train to NYC wasn't until 6:45. So...fuck. I texted one of the producers and told her that google maps said I wouldn't get to the venue till 9:30. She was, understandably, concerned but she thought she could pad the show out with a trivia contest.

On the train I did my makeup, put on my wig, I put tape on my pasties and merkin and tried to imagine the fastest possible way to get into costume once I was at the gig. My vest would be a problem since it laced up the back and the grommets weren't very good. And I had side tie panties but maybe I could pre-tie them and hope they stretched enough to put on like normal underwear. But I was getting there at *9:30* I would have NO time to change. I realized that my costume was mostly just a suit so, if I changed into it, I would still be warm enough to get around outside. I was a little worried about wearing a merkin for a couple hours, especially while sitting on trains but I was pretty sure I had worn a merkin for longer than that and if the tape failed after being on that long, well, no one was going to complain. I thought about having my fellow GTAs form a human wall around me so I could change on the train but that seemed unlikely to work and more likely to call attention to me. Then I realized that LIRR has restrooms on the train!

I had trouble with my vest and had to come back out and get one of the other GTAs to lace me in. Then we had to change trains. Then the new train we got on had a bathroom with a very full, non flushing toilet. Murphy's law assured me that if I changed in that bathroom, the train would take a mean turn and hurl a wave of poop water over me and my costume, so I braved passing between cars while the train rocketed its way to Jamaica. I finally found a less disgusting bathroom and stood on my shoes as I changed my pants. Years of changing in bar bathrooms has given me a pretty good routine for this but I'll admit that the addition of being in a moving venue made things noticeably harder. I'm glad the walls had handles.

Google maps told me that a cab would take about as much time as the F train, and with the rain getting worse, my money was on the train. I chose wisely. I listened to my music to refresh my choreography in my mind and only managed to get through the song twice (it's a six minute song.) I ran up the stairs to the Slipper Room, calling out to the doorman "I'm in the show!" as I sprinted past. He was pretty perplexed since there was only one act left but I was running too fast for him to stop me. I barely broke stride as I grabbed my fans from Johnny Caligula at the door and I dove past the audience, frantically waving at the host as he pulled the raffle.

I got backstage, took off my backpack, my jacket, my scarf, my utility belt, and my glasses, then walked into position on stage. I slowed my breathing as I heard the host finish the raffle pull and start to go into his stretch material then said "Wait, what? She's HERE?" and he introduced me. I tried not to sweat so much.

Well, I couldn't show up that late and be BAD so I really threw myself into that act. I gave it my everything, radiating Lucifer's rage as I threw my fans around. I seduced the audience, grinding up on people and draping my shirt over a total stranger. I finished the act in a flurry of feathers and, even though my merkin stayed on, I'm pretty sure I killed.