Published: June 23rd 2023, 2:00:04 pm
I rest my chin in my palm and adjust the radio dial, unsuccessfully searching for anything other than static.
Liam insisted I wait in the car while he runs the groceries in and puts away the cold products, probably because he’s afraid I’ll find an excuse to hide in my room and avoid going on this mysterious afternoon of fun he’s apparently decided we’re to go on.
I wish I knew what the fuck that means, but he’s being awfully tight-lipped about his plans.
They’re probably dumb.
The radio crackles, and I freeze the second something clear comes on. It’s a lot of bass and electric guitar, not my favorite, but it’s better than silence. The short drive from the grocery store to the house was unbearable, and there were a few moments when I didn’t know whether or not I’d make it out alive.
A slamming door startles me, and I jolt before snapping my head up and searching for the source. It isn’t hard to find, and I plaster a smile on my face as Beth walks around her car and approaches me.
I roll the window down, wanting to be polite. As annoyed as I am with Liam, I know taking it out on Beth isn’t appropriate. She seems nice, and I admittedly enjoy being able to stay in a real house.
It’s a significant improvement from the cabin and hotel room I was confined to before, and I’d like not to piss her off and be kicked out.
“Morning,” Beth chirps, adjusting the strap of her purse. “How’d you sleep?”
I gulp, slightly worried she’s asking because she heard me crying. I did my best to remain quiet, and I’m pretty confident I was successful. I buried my face into a pillow to cushion the sound, and Liam definitely would’ve mentioned it by now if he had heard anything.
Beth wears an easy smile, but if she’s anything like her son, she’s probably also an excellent liar.
“I slept well,” I eventually decide to say. “The bed is comfortable, and it’s a significant improvement from the hotel mattress we had before.”
I realize my mistake the second the words are out of my mouth. Liam and I are sleeping on separate beds here, and while I didn’t come right out and admit to it, I indirectly hinted that Liam and I were sharing before. If Beth is searching for clues, as I assume any mother would, she’ll probably pick up on it.
Her expression doesn’t change, and I force mine to remain the same.
On the off chance she didn’t read into my words, I’m not going to let my reaction give her pause.
“I really appreciate you letting me stay in your home,” I say, quickly moving on from my mistake. “The place is beautiful, and it’s a nice change from the city.”
The very corners of Beth’s eyes crinkle, and I’d give my last dollar to know why that is and what she’s thinking.
“It’s no problem, dear. Liam knows he’s always welcome—”
Her sentence is cut short as the man in question comes outside. His eyes flicker quickly between Beth and me, his expression unreadable, before he frowns and jogs toward the car. He looks annoyed, but that’s nothing new.
Is he worried about what I could be talking to Beth about? Scared we’ll get together and trade secrets? He’s probably nervous I’ll tell her about his treatment of me.
“Where’d you go this morning?” Liam asks, pulling his mom into a tense side hug. “You said you were just running to drop off a package, and you haven’t been answering your phone.”
I lick my lips, more than a little entertained by this interaction. Has Liam been worried about his mommy? I noticed him pulling out his phone and checking it a few times while we were grocery shopping, but I didn’t think anything about it.
Beth sucks her cheeks into her mouth, and I lean forward to get a better view.
“I’m a busy woman, Liam,” she starts, sounding mildly annoyed. “I had some errands to run, and then I got chatting with the girls.” Beth huffs and pushes her hair out of her eye. “Anyway, I have dinner plans I tried and cannot get out of tonight, so you’re on your own. Tomorrow is pot roast, though, so do try to be on time.”
I place my hand over my mouth, trying with everything I have not to laugh right in Liam’s face.
I like Beth.
Liam’s sharp gaze cuts to me, and I look to the side and pretend I haven’t been eavesdropping. I have, we both know that, but I’ll be kind and let him keep a scrap of dignity after being so publicly shamed by his mother.
I’d never recover if I were him.
Liam mumbles something, his voice too low for me to hear, before he waves his mom away and climbs into the car.
Beth seems pleased as she nods and makes her way inside the house, and I offer a smile when she turns to wave me goodbye.
“I like your mom,” I say.
Liam snorts, quickly returning to his suspiciously cheery self. “Everybody does.”
He backs out of the driveway, and I’m glad he doesn’t try to turn the radio down as he drives us toward the center of town. I see him continually glancing at me out of the corner of my eye, his hands flexing against the steering wheel each time, but I pretend not to notice.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
I’ve never been one for surprises.
“There’s this restaurant I love that I think you’ll enjoy, and our local theatre is kind of janky and old, but it’s a classic,” Liam says.
So Liam wants to take me to dinner and a movie. How fucking cliche.
My hands ball into tight fists by my sides, and I breathe harshly through my nose as I struggle to rein in my anger. Does he get off on this or something? At this point, that’s the only explanation I can possibly think of.
I know Liam’s a little bit dumb, but there’s no way he’s this obtuse. There’s absolutely no way.
“If you’re feeling up to it after, there’s this ice cream place just—”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Liam,” I hiss, cutting him off.
I can’t do this. I can’t sit here and listen to this for one more moment. I’m going to lose what little semblance of composure I have if I have to endure a single second more of this.
Liam taps his fingers against the steering wheel.
“What?” he asks.
“Do you think leading me on is fun?” I ask. Liam turns down the volume of the radio. “You know I have feelings for you, I know you do, so why do you keep playing boyfriend when you’ve made it abundantly clear you don’t feel the same way?”
Liam, for the first time in weeks, is silent.
That’s fine, because I’m not done. “I’m trying really fucking hard to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you aren’t doing this on purpose, but you’re making it incredibly hard. You’re being cruel, and I’m sick and tired of it.”
My voice grows thick near the end, and I clear my throat and cross my arms over my chest once I finish my rant.
Liam doesn’t respond immediately, and I give him only a second before reaching for the volume dial. My wrist is snatched before I have the chance to turn the radio back up, Liam’s fingers smoothly curling around my arm.
His palm is warm and slightly clammy, and I work my jaw side to side as he pulls my hand away from the controls.
“I never said I don’t have feelings for you,” he says, releasing me.
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. I spin toward Liam, my eyes narrowing as he returns his hand to the steering wheel. How is he going to lie directly to my face like this? We were both there for the conversation, so I don’t understand how he’s going to try and pretend it didn’t happen.
“You made it very fucking clear that there is nothing and will never be anything between us, Liam,” I say.
Liam clears his throat. “I made it clear that we’ll never be in a relationship, but I never said anything about not having feelings for you.”
I blink, struggling to follow his thought process. Did Beth drop Liam on his head as a child? That’s the only possible explanation I can find for how fucking dense he is.
“I like you, Katie,” Liam says, his voice low. “I enjoy spending time with you, and if our circumstances were different, I would want more.”
Is this a joke? I don’t see the humor in it, and I let out a loud scoff without thinking.
“Don’t play dumb with me.” I press my back against the car door, putting as much space between us as physically possible. “You know how your words would be taken, so don’t try picking them apart now. It’s manipulative.”
I hate people who play the whole ‘oh, I never technically said that’ game. It’s old, and nobody likes that person. Liam knows better than to be that person. I’ve been around Beth for a cumulative total of five minutes, and I already can tell she didn’t raise her son to be an asshole.
Liam turns on his blinker and pulls into the parking lot of some dingy bar. I stare at the blacked-out windows, needing something other than Liam to look at. He’s pissing me off, and I have the feeling that if I look at his face right now, I’m going to punch him in the throat.
God, I’d love nothing more than to bury my knuckles deep into his fucking throat. I’ll crack his Adam’s apple in half.
“What do you think a relationship between us looks like in New York?” Liam eventually asks. “You do understand what I do for a living, right? It’s easy to ignore when being with you is my job, but this isn’t what it looks like in the real world.”
I grind my teeth, not wanting to hear this. I’m fully aware of what Liam does, and I understand what that means. It’s something I’ve been, at least faintly, involved in my entire life.
“I understand what your work looks like,” I say.
Liam shakes his head with a quiet humorless laugh.
“Yeah? And what is that?” he asks. “You think I work odd hours like in the movies? That sometimes I have intense conversations in the basement of our home, and you pretend not to notice the guns hidden throughout the house? That as long as you don’t ask questions, everything is okay?”
I bite my lip, remaining silent.
Liam continues.
“Life isn’t a movie, Princess. Have you thought about what you’ll do when you’re trying to have a dinner party with your fancy art friends and I come home covered in blood? What happens when I call you out of the blue and tell you to drop everything, including work, and leave the city for a few days?”
I taste blood, and I lick the spot on my lip where I mindlessly tugged off a piece of skin.
“You don’t want this life, and I refuse to drag you into it any more than you already are,” Liam says.
He puts the car in park and reaches for my hands. Despite my better judgment, I don’t pull away as he takes hold of them.
“And you’re just going to unilaterally decide this?” I ask.
Liam nods. “My late fiancé was a lot like you. She was headstrong and loved her freedom, and she hated our life. I don’t blame her. My job isn’t for the faint of heart. She died in a car accident about ten minutes after leaving me, and she died fucking miserable. ”
I open my mouth, but no sounds emerge. How am I supposed to respond to that?
“The truth, Katie, is that I don’t want to date you,” Liam continues. “I hate how I feel about you, I honestly do, and as fun as it is to pretend, I don’t want it to continue when we return home. I don’t want to watch the disappointment and resentment slowly grow inside you, and I know it will.”
Liam squeezes my hands before releasing them and running his fingers through his hair. He looks stressed, but he had to have known this conversation would happen sooner or later.
To be fair, though, I’m sure I don’t look any better.
I wasn’t sure what I expected from this conversation, but it wasn’t this. It wasn’t Liam admitting he has feelings for me while refusing to ever consider a relationship.
I think he should consider seeing a therapist.
A few seconds of tense silence pass between us before Liam clears his throat and gestures to the dingy bar we’re parked in front of.
“This is where I wanted to take you to lunch,” he admits. “…if you still want to go.”
I turn and peer at the bar, inspecting it in more detail. This? The single-story brick building isn’t the most appealing, and the blacked-out windows and lack of signage make it look like the type of place with dead bodies in the basement.
Maybe Liam’s taking me here to dispose of me once and for all.
I wouldn’t be surprised.
My chest expands as I suck in a deep breath. If he’s going to kill me, I at least hope he makes it quick. I push open the door and climb out of the car, confident Liam will follow me as I make my way to the ominous black door.