Published: September 7th 2021, 7:41:03 pm
I love being a cute fat girl on the internet. Fat modeling fun is something I've always done as a side thing, but this year I was gearing up to go full on full in for a while in a way I've always wanted to explore. It's not the first time I geared myself up to try, but just like times before, the timing is never quite right.
Last month I had an awakening. Something else is calling me, and for my future career, I have to answer. Because this future career is rather public, I decided to go back to hiding my face again. I did not anticipate having to do this so soon.
It's so frustrating. I want to be me, my full authentic self, and not care what others think... but I do. It would be incredibly awkward if my two lives connected in a public way and I don't want to deal with the fallout. I don't know if I could ever recover. I have to go back to hidden-face content for my own safety, and it's a bummer. It really limits what I'm able to do in this space.
On top of that, I've been experiencing some medical issues I need to get checked out. My body isn't handling this weight as well as it used to, and I'm feeling like maybe it's time for me to hang up my gaining hat, at least until I get things under control. I still fantasize about seeing 420 someday and I want it, but I don't want to die trying either. This fetish is such a roller coaster. I know a lot of you must deal with some cognitive dissonance because of it.
That brings me back to you, my supporters. You're here because you like to see me play with my fat, enjoy my body, and overindulge. You want to see me get fatter and outgrow clothes and all that fun stuff! Unfortunately these are things I can't really offer right now, at least not in the way most of you want.
It's stressful and difficult to be in this position. Right now the fat modeling stuff is my only income as I try to get my other business off the ground, and it's not nearly enough. My boyfriend has been supportive, but I've never been good at actually making money from this, and things are super tight right now. Like, ramen noodles tight. When finances are this thin and I feel food insecure, my anxiety spikes, and when my anxiety spikes, I can't get in the right headspace to make the sexy fat fun content I need to make in order to pay the bills. I freeze up. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, still working hard every day, making almost no money. I've also been flakey and I hate that about myself, but hopefully once I can get to the doctor I can start medication to help with my ADHD and put an end to the cycle.
So where do we go from here?
First I want to make sure you're getting enough value for the cash you've already sent my way. If there's anything I can do for you before I fade into the shadows for a while, let me know.
Then I guess I'd recommend canceling your subscriptions. I have to give up my only source of income in order to go full speed in other directions. I'd like to go back to just doing occasional customs and sponsored stuffing shows for friends, rather than try to make this look like a job. I just don't think anyone is going to want to continuing paying just to see my belly/boobs/butt at different angles with different clothes on, especially if I end up losing some weight, though I'll always be a chonk.
I'll never disappear from the scene completely - I have other ideas I want to explore in the future! It's also time to get back on track with the furry art side of things. Lots of loose ends to wrap up there too.
Thank you again for supporting my fat creativity. I'm glad you've enjoyed the show!