jadekettu

Gonna ramble a bit, bear with me

Published: February 27th 2022, 12:20:21 am

Gonna post this small sketch of Sean while I'm at it too.

If you don't wanna listen me to ramble for a bit about my irl stuff feel free to skip. I aint talking about anything doing with any project or even about the pic. I mean like feel free to skip either way, since ya know, life is going crazy as it is. 

So ya, know, heavy subject ahead.

I have been mulling over this whole deal of mine for few days now, delaying posting this and all because I'm not really sure how to put everything into the words. Nevertheless, my friend died few days ago in a accident, and I have been processing that for few days now. Now, I'm fine, I mean as fine as you can be in the current day and age. And just to note, there is no reason to worry about me, my friend group has been dealing with this and each of us have talked our fair share. Now I'm just more or less angry, I guess the whole deal has been just me being angry. But I'm just more worried about my other friends, few of them were really close the person who passed away. Like really close. Actually that person was surrounded with many many many people who all loved her. After all she was a great person. So while I'm watching my friends struggle, trying to accept it or finding a way to let their emotions out, I'm just angry. I am so fucking angry at the world. I mean let's be real, I have always been rather nihilistic or pessimistic about the general world, but right now I just hate all of this. And if you allow me be little self-centered a little more, the current state of the world is not helping at all. I mean I guess is less hatred of the world but anger at my own inability to do anything, feeling helpless and insignificant. 

So yeah, I have been going trough the process. It's fucked up. All of it is fucked up. Like I said, I'm ok, but there are people really close to me who aren't. I'm just angry, really really angry.

But ye, there is lot going on in the world, I don't want to side step that. I actually find it so fucking tragically funny how much my own small world and the actual world just flipped the shit out. Like I feel so helpless that I can't do anything but laugh at this point.
It's fucking mad, huh.
Point being, you guys, you few who read these, stay safe. No matter where you are or who you are, I don't care, stay safe and I hope you are doing ok.

Probably didn't get even half of my thoughts out, but yea, been talking about this with some people, it's not really a subject you guys are in need to know. I just... I kinda just wanted to let it out. Scream into the void.

Also kinda let this be a explanation of: Not really feeling great, I want to draw and do my projects, but don't be alarmed if I just fucking show up in day or two and have fully made game ready without no info. It's because the void answered and I needed to get my hands to work. 

Also also... I just kinda wanted to say, She was a great person, who earnestly invited me into her life even when I was just some fucking weirdo friend of her friend. She openly shared her life with me, my boyfriend and our whole friend group, gave me so much when I could barely give her anything in return. Even if I caught only glimpses of her skills and work she could do, I can't help but to admire it. I was happy she was the person who shared that close friendship with my own close friend. I'm not good enough to describe how wrong it was that she is gone now nor good enough to fully word how much I respected and liked her.