Published: February 8th 2025, 6:01:02 am
My face is flat as I slowly scroll through the comments of my video.
Wow...
There's a lot of people here.
Zaze: "WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?! HE'S A KID!"
Nine Tails: "ONLY PHYSICALLY!"
Gabriel: "You are truly lost, Nine Tails. I pray that you will reflect on your actions and become a better person. He may be cute. But you shouldn't allow yourself to fall to such a depraved sin!"
Nine Tails. "Oh yes, I'll be sure to... reflect... on my actions later tonight."
I scratch my temple, eyebrow twitching slightly. 'I know I picked the 'Fan Service' perk to make my handsomeness nearly unfathomable... but isn't this a bit much?'
I know of only two kitsune from Dxd and Touhou... the question of the day is... is that Yasaka or is it Ran Yakumo?
Or it could be some random unknown kitsune from another world. That's also possible, I guess.
There's a lot of chatting. Some people are calling for my head, calling me an abomination, others are just calling me 'weird'.
Gap: "How strange. I can't enter your home."
There's a small chill that runs up my spine.
Mental note: FUCK NO. I'm not taking a single step outside while SHE is looking for me.
A shaky breath leaves my lips as I look to my original poll.
Pick what I do!
Option 1: Cooking (An American, Japanese Fox Beast tries to replicate an American version of Chinese cuisine that otherwise won't be invented till the 1970s or so) 58.3%
Option 2: Art (Painting) 24.9%
Option 3: Educational (Flying Machines.) 16.8%
"Huh... Guess I'll be trying to make General Tso's then." I mutter quietly.
I walk through my home, approaching 'THE CRYSTAL'.
I place my hand on it and instantly my energy is drained.
I wince slightly before turning and walking into the kitchen.
It has grown slightly. Instead of the older... more 'Edo Period' kitchen. A lot of it has been replaced with some more modern utilities.
A double-doored fridge- that seems powered by magic, a large basin presumably for oil, a stove-top that seems to mimic a gas stove but is also powered by magic.
There's also quite a few more pots and pans littering the walls.
This'll do... I've got chicken in the fridge, now. Oil. Peppers. Garlic.
Even a few cheaper wines.
Everything I'll need.
BUT! I'm kind of exhausted from expending my magic so I'll do it tomorrow. For now? I'm going to go watch some more world's dumbest.
[Split]
I am currently crouched under a table.
Why?
For one reason, actually.
I stand up. "Hello hello! Good afternoon, morning, night or whenever you are watching this! It's me! Your resident fox brat, Argo!"
A floating camera sits before me... looking like one of those movie studio cameras.
A side effect of this power means that I'm aware of the exact boundaries the camera can see.
"You chose and I listened! Allow me to introduce you to a little recipe that means quite a lot to me. "General Tso's Chicken!"
"Why is it called that, you ask? Don't know! All I know is that it's quite tasty!" I beam, pacing back and forth briefly.
"Now. Before I begin I should say that the entire recipe is available below this video. Listing steps, measurements, and the items you'll need."
"Let's start!" I beam as I turn and walk off screen.
I grab a whole uncooked chicken from the fridge, lacking a head and feet.
I place it on the countertop.
"A knife, please." I call out over my shoulder.
A mote of light floats into frame trapped within it is the hilt of a large single-edged cooking knife.
"Thank you." I nod slowly as I take it and look over the chicken.
"Now. Firstly, I need to dismantle this. Firstly you'll want to start your first cut at the chicken between the leg and thigh, roughly where the skin connects from the leg to the breast. Then use both of your hands to bend the leg back and pop it out of its socket. Carefully cut past the bone, through the joint you just broke. Make sure to keep as close to the back as you can, there's a very good cut of meat that you wouldn't want to be damaged called the 'oyster'." My knife expertly slides into the bird, with skill and knowledge I know for certain I didn't have just four short days ago.
I manage to cut through quite easily. It feels like I've done this before when I know for certain that I have not. "After this, you want to find the joint between the thigh and drumstick with your fingers. Then cut through with the knife. Your knife should pass through quite easily. If you find yourself struggling, that means you haven't found the joint."
[Split]
Alright... he'll admit. The brat can cook.
Azazel watches as a short fox-eared boy tilts a wok and deposits its contents onto a plate, drizzling the remainder of the thickened brown sauce over the glazed chicken. A few bits of red peppers are throughout the pile of chicken. "Normally, you might eat this with rice, buuut since the electric rice cooker won't exist for another fifty or so years, and I don't really feel like learning an entirely new way to cook rice that'll become obsolete in just a short half a century... I suppose I'll just be forced to eat this on its own."
He lifts a pair of chop sticks and grabs a large piece of chicken.
He pops it into his mouth.
"FAHHMK!" He coughs. "Fshhhh haaaah that's fucking hot!"
He grabs another, this time blowing on it.
He carefully tests it, then eats it. "Ahhh. That's much better. Sweet, spicy, even a little tangy... but most importantly nostalgic."
The kitsune smiles, closing his eyes and nodding once. "Well. This has been Argo. Your collector, Completionist, Brat Fox. I think I'm going to go sit around... maybe read a book while I finish my dinner. I hope you all have a wonderful day-night-morning-afternoon! Ciao!"
With that... it ends.
'Well... that was a good way to occupy twenty minutes. Damn. That food actually looked pretty good.'
But... once again he mentioned something...
Electric Rice Cooker.
He's really going all in with the 'guy from the future' schtick, isn't he?
[Split]
I scratch out another item on my list.
Build a Gameboy. [ ]
That's not happening.
I could theoretically do it. I have the knowledge. I know in general what goes IN a gameboy...
I just don't have the parts to actually build it.
Where did I get this paper, you might ask?
Well I turned that one empty room with a workbench into a studio and I'm beginning to write the cliff-notes for my dragon ball... Well, basically fanfic but I'll be doing art for it... and it'll be the original in this world.
In my studio I'm given a few dozen pieces of paper that refresh every two days or so, much like my kitchen having food that refreshes and more or less swaps to my 'tastes' which just so happen to be the things I plan on cooking for my little cooking tutorial.
Creating food is one thing.
Creating sheets of paper is another.
Conjuring sheets of plastic, precious metals, and metals in general is a COMPLETELY different beast.
With the crystal, I can merely grow my pocket dimension, re-arrange it, alter the weather- which is why it's constantly raining here without destroying everything with flooding and mud. I like the sound of rain and thunder- but I digress.
There's no real room that'd give me materials like that. A garage might give me tools, a smithy would give me an anvil, but neither would supply me with items to build something.
A writing studio giving me a few sheets of paper- that won't refresh unless I use them- is one thing. Electrical work is another.
"Ah. Wait. Need a Gym as well. I've got to stay fit." I blink suddenly. "That'd be helpful to keep my boyish charms."
I'll dump my magic into 'The Crystal' before I sit down to watch some more World's Dumbest.
[Split]
A long breath leaves my lips as I gaze towards a nearby Camera in the background sonic mania music plays.
I can see a blued-out window that looks like crackling foxfire flames, the words 'Stream Starting Soon' emblazoned on it.
I've done another cooking video, this time doing a simple apple pie.
Man. That was tasty.
But my videos have garnered me about ten 'streamer points'.
Or...
About ten dollars.
I take another deep breath and exhale, steeling my nerves.
The music quietens slightly as I allow the haze to fade. "Hello hello, Chat, it's me, your foxy content creator here with my first ever livestream!"
I watch a series of messages scroll past quickly. Luckily I'm a mythical creature now and my mental processing speed is fast enough that I could likely watch a bullet fly past me like I'm playing 'Super Hot'.
Nine Tails: "IT'S HIIIIIM BREED ME!"
Zaze: "I swear to god Nine Tails. I WILL Declare war on the youkai faction."
Gap: "..."
Zaze: "Oh god. You're here?"
Thunderbringer: "Ah yes. The funny fox thing. I had a Valkyrie make one of those 'lava cakes' of yours. Quite good if not a little messy."
King of Gods: "How DARE you use that name, Thunderbringer? When I alone harness the power of the storm?"
"I'm happy to hear that, Thunderbringer. It's my hope that I can bring some more future conveniences here faster."
Zaze: "Oh here we go again. Future this. Future that. Alright, kid. I get it. You're delusional."
Thunderbringer: how dare I?! How dare YOU! King of the gods? Ridiculous! You should have named yourself goose fucker!"
King of Gods: "It was ONE TIME!"
"Ah... Sceptics." I sigh, shaking my head. "You'll see soon enough. I might know nothing of the supernatural, but I do know a bit of human history. You are all in for a... fun... coming forty years. I honestly don't want to say much about it. Though... admittedly me being here has irreversibly changed things."
"ANYWAYS!" I clap my hands, my smile returning to my face. "You are probably wondering what this is all about. Well, I thought this would be a fun opportunity for a brief home tour and a QnA... question and answer."
Nyxed: "Boring."
"Well, if you don't like it you're free to leave." I smile brightly. "Once the Q&A is over I planned to show you one of the first Video Games ever created in the ninteen seventies, arguably one of the most groundbreaking creations going into the two-thousands, but since I'm so boring I guess I'll be forced to end the stream early."
Zaze: "Ignore her. You answer questions we ask, right? What's a video game?"
"Ah. Wonderful question. A video game is a type of game played by electronically manipulating images produced by a program on a television screen or other display screen." I explain before running my fingers along the boxy edges of the screen. "This. Is a video. So if you had some sort of device or button to physically control me, this could be a type of video game."
Thunderbringer: "But do you not ask for our input? Isn't this controlling you?"
"Ah. That is a fair point. But the core difference is the content of a video game isn't real. They can be based on real events or real people, but the true nature of it is fake. It's... like an interactive story book. That's a good way to describe it. The earliest games less-so as they are incredibly limited. But later games can be incredibly well-made."
Ruin: Wait WAIT WAIT What IS this?! Video Games?! You have them?! For real?! I will give you literally ANYTHING if you let me play. My body. My soul. My eternal love."
"What's with you freaks trying to fuck me?! I'm twelve! Stop being degenerates!"
Nine Tails: "You're 12... Physically..."
Ruin: "Hey. I'm also an adult trapped in a kid's body. We could make it work."
"..."
I deeply inhale then exhale out my nose.
"So this is my gate for my hoooome. I live in a pocket dimension because the world is a scary place... and the one time I went outside I saw some devil woman and quickly ran away before she could do what you fucking PERVERTS hope you could to do me."
"Stepping inside I have a nice little tree." I gesture to the indoor garden. "A pond as well with some Koi fish."
"And in this building right here... I ponder the orb!"
Scarlet: "You ponder the orb?"
I slide open the door, revealing the empty room, the diamond-like crystal being replaced with a polished pearl-like orb.
"I ponder the orb!"
[Split]
Azazel's eyes are narrowed, mouth slightly ajar as he strokes his goatee with a hand. "Huh..."
This is...
Huh.
He watches two lines quickly move up and down the screen, a block being bounced between them.
The chat scrolls past, some disgruntled, others confused, more generally interested.
Fallen Star: "That's neat!"
Nyxed: "Two lines and a dot? Boring."
"As you can see... very basic, but it was instrumental in the creation of better things. These games were like... bread to a sandwich!"
"How are you doing this you little tricky fox?" The man quietly whispers under his breath.
This can't be real... can it?
He... ah... maybe needs to put some R&D on this... it could be big.
Or does he bide his time? Wait for the fox to show off how these things work? Or does he spend resources to try and duplicate something that supposedly won't exist for a good seventy years.
They could probably shave sixty to sixty five years off with access to magic.
But. Of course, this appears to be completely mundane.
"I could probably build something a little more advanced than this, but I kind of lack materials. I may have infinite food, but conjuring copper and plastic is far beyond my capabilities."
Plastic?
"Wait a second! Plastic hasn't even been invented yet! What the fuck am I supposed to do, then! Aghhh this is such a pain! I'm not a chemist." He roughly rubs the sides of his head, tousling his hair in slight irritation, fox ears flopping slightly as he does so. "Oh well... I guess that's a good seven years out... bare minimum... but then I'd need to go outside and take it from some Belgan guy."
"HAH!" The kitsune huffs. "Not happening."
Azazel quickly types something.
Zaze: "I could get you materials."
Azazel watches as his eye seemingly locks onto a message and follows it upwards an appraising hum leaving his lips. He can only hope that it was his message that he saw.
"Perhaps."
"Anyways, I believe that it's about to wrap up. I thank you all for coming. Five hundred people is really an astounding number for my first stream. I'll be opening another poll for my next video shortly so please vote on what you want! There's another new interesting option... Lets Plays... where I am going to grab a video game and play through it."
"I hope you all have a wonderful day-night-morning-afternoon! Ciao!"
The 'live stream' seems to end.
[Split]
I lounge on the couch, fanning my face with a hand. "Ugh... that was fucking stressful."
Of course I picked the anxiety drawback... I needed more points to get my super console and ALL media.
But I have Invictus, thus... it's manageable.
Now there's some things that require my attention... it's time for me to begin amassing my powers!
But first!
I grab a pen and begin to write a letter.
"Dear Ruin. My name is Argo. I couldn't help but notice that you said that you were also from the future. Is this true? You see, my ability to 'reach' people is quite a bit more potent than I originally said. I can also reach them like this, though it takes quite a bit more time. Would you like to talk? My friend here can take a message or package from you and bring it to me if you really need."
my penmanship has definitely improved from what it was previously. It looks neat. Professional. Elegant.
I fold the paper in half and with a snap of my fingers a spectral fox appears. "Can you take this to the person who has the username 'Ruin'?"
The fox grabs the paper and rushes out the door.
I've got a mail ability...
I can send out mail and packages to literally anyone in the multiverse with one sole limitation.
The item cannot be a threat to the recipient... like an active landmine or some sort of poison-trapped chest... or a magic circle that teleports the caster to it as soon as it's touched or moved.
Once whoever gets the package- at most four to five business days later- can send one letter or package back to me following the same rule.
No dangerous objects.
"Now. For my next message." I sigh, idly wondering if I REALLY plan on doing this. My hand rubbing my face.
There's a certain power that I am going to purchase fairly soon. One that's pretty on-brand for my whole 'collector-hoarder' gimmick.
It's a relatively cheap power called 'Gem Empowerment'.
What it does is pretty simple. Pocket dimension for gemstones and I get a percentage boost in my abilities dependent on what sort of gem I collect. Such as Rubies increasing my 'Health', Topaz giving me better 'cooldown' etcetera.
But. There's one final trait it grants...
It grants you the ability to 'graze' attacks...
It's a touhou power, and 'Grazing' is when you narrowly avoid some sort of attack or projectile... think ultra instinct dodges.
Now you might be wondering 'anyone can graze attacks. I mean, just dodge at the last second. Why does this even matter?'
And, well... you'd be right... but what this ability gives you... is the ability to benefit from grazes.
Whenever you graze an attack... you can collect time energy... and yes, you can use that time energy to MANIPULATE TIME!
With a single 'graze' you can slow time 'to a craw' for about a quarter of a second.
One slight limitation... I can only store this energy in some sort of clock or watch... something that has to do with time.
my plan... is to convert one of my eyes into a clock a la Kurumi Tokisaki from Date A Live.
I can manipulate my pupil into the arms of a clock and add in some roman numerals. It might work.
Maybe.
I hope.
From my first ever stream... I've got six hundred 'streamy points' total!
I just need about thirty nine thousand more.
Anyways... my next plan is... ah... kind of a challenge...
For my self respect!
"A long sigh leaves my lips as I grab my pen again.
"Hello Nine Tails. I've seen your comments and while a part of myself is disgusted, there's another portion flattered by your lusting. I'm willing to cut you a deal. I LOVE to collect stuff, I've been wanting to start a gemstone collection for a while so. If you send me a gem through my associate here, I'll send you a shirtless picture in return. Take this as proof that I mean business."
A sigh leaves my lips as I stand up, walking into the bathhouse.
I take my shirt off and climb into the empty tub, maneuvering myself so everything from the neck down is hidden aside from my shoulders, my tail coming up like a sash and covering one of them.
I give the camera a small smug smirk.
FLASH
A black and white photo seems to slide from the bottom of the magical camera. I let out a small sigh and look over the photograph.
"..."
I lay back in the wooden tub for a moment, massaging the bridge of my nose as I quietly debate going through with this.
"Fuck it." I grumble. "Gemstone for the ability."
I also sort of want to collect stuff like a little dragon.
I'll need to grab 'beast of desire' sometime in the future if I'm going to hoard wealth and cool stuff like this.
A spectral fox shows up and takes both my letter and the photograph and rushes out with the room.
I writhe in the tub. "REGREEET FUUUUUUCK."
I lay there for a long moment then sit up and grab my shirt, placing it on. "Oh well. The couch calls."
[Split]
I watch an ethereal fox trot into the room in the corner of my eyes. "Now to let these marinate overnight."
I lift a large covered glass dish with pieces of meat inside of it. A deep rich sauce seems to cover every bit of the meat as I pick it up and walk out of frame.
I pause the recording then save what I've already done and put it aside. I'll need to edit it later and cut out the dead air and stuff... plus actually finish cooking, but that can be done later.
I place the food in the fridge and turn to the fox, grabbing a letter with a wax seal on it, some sort of crest pressed into the wax.
I walk through the house as I scratch my sharpened nails along the edge of the letter, opening it.
Three sheets of paper rest in the envelope which now that I take a moment to pause is scented with a rather good smell. Not overpowering for my enhanced nose, but apparent even from the distance I hold it away from my face.
Oh. And on the topic of scent, thanks to my 'cleanliness' perk I constantly smell of citrus. It's quite nice, actually.
I think this is some sort of lavender or rose, though... I've never really messed with flowers so I'm unsure.
The first paper is... a letter.
I finally make it back to my 'game room' and after this I'm going to start my very first 'lets play' today.
Mario.
I mean, where else should I really begin?
Zelda?
I mean... I kind of flipped a coin... Zelda comes after.
I don't want to touch Sonic yet either as it looks a LOT more advanced.
ANYWAYS.
"We just got a letter~" I mutter under my breath. "I wonder who it's from?"
I unfold it and begin reading. The handwriting is elegant and kind of girly. She has written in cursive.
"Dear Argo. My name is Rias Gremory. I am currently twelve years old and up until twelve years ago I was ALSO Rias Gremory... but I lived in 2011 and was aged eighteen. One moment I went to sleep, and the next I woke up over one hundred years in the past! Before world war one and two even! I had resigned myself more or less to my fate, my family is roughly the same as they've always been but... I had lost my TRUE love. ANIME! ANIME AND GAMES! It won't exist for more than half a CENTURY!"
"Now. For the past eight years or so I've been learning how to draw so I can make anime a reality soon... but then I saw your livestream! You have games! You have ACTUAL video games. So. Why don't we make a deal? You're an adult trapped in a kid's body. I'm an adult trapped in a kid's body. You should know that any relationship we get into is going to feel strange. That is, unless we date each other."
"Here's my deal. I placed my summoning contract inside the envelope as well (Alongside a little bribe to show you what you're working with). Seeing as how you are relatively new to this whole supernatural thing, let me just clear up some things. One: Devils aren't that much different than normal humans, but the bible really slandered us. Or rather, it was depicting OLD devils. We're a lot more civilized now. Two: You can use it to summon me to you by holding onto it and desiring something deeply."
"Now. Let me tell you why you'd want to do this. Firstly. I'll let you do WHATEVER you want to me whenever you want it. All my holes will be yours to defile as long as I get my daily hit of gaming. Reason two. You'll need a co-op partner for some games, right? Third. As a youkai you'll inevitably go into heat. I know that's typically supposed to only be a thing for female animals, but youkai are different you'll basically be hit by an aphrodisiac once a year or so where all you'll want to do is breed something. Which I am DEFINITELY receptive to as long as I get to play games. You are actually kind of cute and I imagine that natural kitsune Beauty is going to make you stunning once you grow up a little. Four. I have a POWERFUL bloodline. I can wield both the power of destruction and the Gremory's 'lucky' clan trait. So any of our children will have the latent natural power of the kitsune while also having demonic magic and potent clan traits."
"Finally... won't it be good to have someone who gets all of your references... that knows what you're talking about? That knows about memes, tv shows, cartoons and anime?"
You know...
Thought occurs.
I remember selecting 'Rias' as a companion in the CYOA...
Is she my 'significant other'?
That's a good question.
Rias is a nerdy weeb otaku that grows up into an absolute bombshell. She's easily a top waifu in dxd... at least for a shut-in like myself.
Do I trust her?
Could I beat her?
Probably.
I mean, one fourth of a city-destroying fox-beast here.
A high class devil- especially one Rias' age- could realistically do nothing to me. I doubt my power even took much of a hit from being younger. Merely my acclimation perk."
I'm silent for a moment.
'How much of that was my 'Eh, I could take them' perk acting up?'
I mean, for it to trigger, Rias would at the very least have to be on par with me or weaker, so I'm good.
I look to her summoning flier and the last thing she gave me.
"..." I'm silent for a long moment as I see Rias posing in a black and white photo. She looks pretty much as she always did.
Definitely younger.
She looks awfully... free in that room of hers.
I blink as a sudden thought strikes me. "Oh, I'm going to go to federal prison."