elizabeth_angel

Last bit

Published: May 15th 2020, 5:39:39 am

W/ @cvatik. This is a long one so buckle up. TL/DR: Navigating the politics and controversy of the artistic community and social media has sent me into a spiral of internal struggle.

*note: I'm not going to share my opinion about the situation mentioned below because that's not what this post is about.*

I've hesitated to share the last bit of this set. It was a tough decision, but I felt like it needed to be accompanied by a written entry I've had in my head for some time since this is not something I've spoken about publicly before. Shortly after this shoot, there was a lot of drama that started circulating around this photographer. This isn't the first time I have happened to work with someone who became surrounded by controversy, and I'm always really torn when it happens. I prefer to deal with my own matters privately, and even photographers/artists I have had problems with-- I don't post about it publicly. And I know it's not a popular opinion to not pick a side, especially with such sensitive matters. In all honesty, I don't always have the emotional capacity to get involved or bring more people into it.

It's hard to even talk about this, because even as I'm writing I worry about backlash if I say the wrong thing or say it in the wrong way, but I trust you guys enough to be open as I share some honesty.

On social media it's really tough to get the full perspective on what's going on. Information is scattered, skewed, biased, chaotic, fragmented, and confusing. Which is why it's easier to just make a snap judgement most of the time. However, I try my best to get enough information to form my own opinion and I encourage others to do the same. I feel the best thing to do is let people make their own decisions and to not hold their judgement against them. This is an extremely difficult thing to do, but when my fellow artists continue to associate with people I've had problems with, it doesn't change my relationship with them. That's a personal choice I've made because I feel the need to respect the choices people make for themselves.

That being said, we all know this isn't how most of the world works. Which brings me to my next struggle. Because now, when people see these photos, they don't see the effort that I put into them. They don't see them as mine. They don't care that they belong to me as part of my love and passion and expression. All they see is their interpretation that by sharing them, I'm choosing a side. The reality is that I'm choosing myself and my art, but that doesn't matter on social media.

So what do I do? I don't share them. I don't stoke the flames because not only do I not want to hurt anyone, I want to keep a peaceful bubble around my art and my platform. If you know me, you know I'm selective in the battles I choose to fight, and I simply cannot take on this fight over social media. People can be cruel. There are too many strangers willing to quickly assume, judge, and criticize behind a screen. I'm strong-- most of the time I can handle judgment and criticism, but I'm certainly not going to knowingly invite it into my life.

That leaves me here. These photos will probably never be shared anywhere else, but when I look at them it's a good memory. I remember the sudden rain that day. I remember my jaw literally dropping as I drove through the beautiful roads of upstate New York. I remember the excitement of being on the opposite side of the country for the first time in my adulthood. I remember eating the best apple pie of my life at a cute little bakery when I was finally back to Brooklyn after 2 hours in Manhattan traffic. I remember getting these photos back and being so proud of my adventure. I felt like they deserved to be seen somewhere.

If you made it this far, thank you for hanging in there. I know this isn't the most upbeat post, but it's something that has weighed on me for a while and I'm still not sure I've got it completely figured out. Something just sparked in me today to put down some of my thoughts, and this is what came out.