Published: March 8th 2022, 7:45:29 am
"As good a question as any," laughed ms. Frazzle. "We can start learning as soon as I finish my spiel about your daily activities in class, sound good?"
"Well..." said Trevor, looking for all the world like an impatient two year old swinging his legs in the oversized baby seat.
"Here, let's watch what it looks like," said Ms. Frazzle, snapping her fingers as a group of juvenile dressed adults streamed in, heedless of the three restrained newcomers in the center of the room.
"Every morning we'll start with the morning arrival routine. You'll write your name on the board, have free play time, and then eat breakfast."
The big littles were moving as if in fast forward, blurring through the motions of the events she described. I saw sippy cups and oatmeal for breakfast, but at least they were feeding themselves.
"Next comes illiteracy hour..."
"Illiteracy hour?"
"Oh, that's just our fun name for it. You can choose any reading skills activity station you want."
"But we already know how to read," I began, watching the other DKers play-read with baby books that had nonsensical squiggles, or a funny zappy toy that made their hands numb and unable to write anything intelligible, they giggled and laughed as they tried the different stations, so I knew they must be having fun. It did look like fun...
"And then what?" asked Amanda.
"Recess, math, recess..." recited Ms. Frazzle. The math that the DKers flew through was similarly nonsensical as they recited made-up numbers like 'eleventy' and ended up in more fits of giggles.
"...lunch..." The collective enjoyed some finger foods and juice boxes.
"...and quiet time."
"You mean a nap," I said, skeptical as I watched everyone lay down on soft mats to rest. This was looking a lot like preschool to me.
"Well, don't call it that out loud or you might have a riot on your hands," Laughed Ms. Frazzle. "You little ones, always trying to prove how big you are... but don't worry, you get to have more play time after that."
"So what time is it now?"
Ms. Frazzle thought for a second. A little past lunch time. And time for you all to join the class!"
And with that, our hands and feet were unstrapped and our headsets were taken off. Only instead of being back in the auditorium we were in a classroom, and just as in the simulation, there were littles running around and playing with the various toys and manipulatives available in the classroom.
"We're not in Kansas anymore," I said to Amanda.
*****
After several rounds of 'math mush brain', a fun new game we learned from one fo the more experienced kids, I noticed that the numbers on the toy clock seemed to be all messed up. I giggled as I looked at them. What even was the number?
"Fun fun all day, while they melt your brain away," sang a girl, running past me with a soggy pull-up weighing down her tights. When an attendant caught her, she laughed in a fit of giggles, as she was taken to the nearest mat and changed into a diaper. She began to scream and cry and throw a tantrum once she realized what was happening.
"Congratulations, sweetie, you graduated! We're gonna take you to the preschool room!"
"No! No! I don't wanna go!" she cried, kicking and screaming as she was carried out under the attendant's arm, past the white board. I looked at the board and noticed that the names written on there were all chicken scratch. Some still looked like words, while others were little lines and scribbles and nothing more. It was like I could see their brains deteriorating before my eyes. My heart started to quicken. I looked for Amanda and Trevor.
"Uh, guys? This isn't a classroom..." I was backing away, as if the board might bite me. Then I bumped into Ms. Frazzle, who grabbed me with an iron grip. "Going away so fast, dearie?" She began to cackle. "Not until we get you into a nice fresh DIAPER!!!"
"Aaah!!" I screamed, opening my eyes. I looked around, and I saw that we were back in the auditorium. Trevor and Amanda were looking at me, wide eyed, and I looked around, confused. I was dripping sweat.
"Oh, my gods... I thought we... weren't we just in the kindergarten?"
"Nah, man," said Trevor. "It's too late in the day for that... they let us go early..."
"R-really?" I asked, looking to Amanda for confirmation.
"Uh, yeah," she said, looking at me with some concern. "We just finished the orientation. Don't tell me you fell asleep?"
"Asleep? Oh. Yeah," I said, laughing it off. "I always fall asleep at the movies too, so VR must be the same for me..."
Amanda giggled. "How do you know you're not asleep still?"
I looked at her for several seconds, then shook my head. "Don't mess with me like that..."
"Hey, thanks," said Trevor, as an attendant came by and unstrapped him. Amanda and I were soon next.
"Attention, everyone," came Tisha's voice in the room. "It's time to show you to your rooms, and then we'll have some free play time where you can explore! Follow me!"
I looked to Amanda, who just shrugged. Trevor was already walking after the others.
"Come on, pardner," said Amanda, bumping me as she walked after him, then she broke out into a run. "Last one out's a rotten egg!"
"Hey, no fair!" I yelled after her." And of course if she ran I had to chase.