Published: November 6th 2022, 12:09:59 pm
[tw below for Suicide]
Hi my loves! I hope you’re doing well. This announcement is really important, before I announce my plans for November I need to address some stuff about accessing older videos and content.
As you guys know, hosting videos and video content has been a struggle since I started my Patreon earlier this year, if you don’t make Patreon content yourself you may be unaware that basically, I upload a video to another website to use and embed here for my post, because Patreon cannot host videos in platform. It’s not the best system and I pray one day Patreon will just host videos on their website, but for now I use a platform called Streamable where I pay a large sum once a year for its service. When I used to do lingerie content, which is possibly against streamable’s TOS, I used Dropbox business and gave people limited access to videos for their month’s duration. This was also not optimal and ended up being far too expensive and hard to maintain.
Streamable has been working out for awhile but recently, despite my overall number of Patrons going down every month, I’ve been having large issues with people archiving my posts for free on other platforms. People wanting to see my posts is flattering, but it’s scaring me away from wanting to actually post and interact here more with my community - because it’s hard to tell who is doing this or why this is happening. I understand more than anyone how frustrating it is facing financial hardship and not being able to afford the things you want so I understand which is why I’m so utterly and incredibly overwhelmingly grateful I have people who enjoy what I do and support it to this extent.
My Patreon content is something I’m really passionate about, I don’t like charging money for it and wish I could do a pay what you want thing - but I need to ensure I can at least have enough money to keep my bills paid let alone expand my plans and content. It’s a place for my community and for me to give you posts you guys want to see that are special, it’s not necessarily supposed to be an Onlyfans or a Fansly type platform, I just post photos of cosplays I’m doing and updates here for the people who like my content and want to support me. I’m not really trying to sell this as just a standalone product, it’s meant to be consumed in conjunction with my social posting. It’s not like the place you go to see my “spicy content”, it’s just a place where I post more pics that are a little more than I’d be chill with on Instagram or Twitter for people who’d wanna support me and join my community. Stuff that makes me embarrassed to let the entire world see, like my full body, etc. There is NSFW content on here but not more than you could find for free online otherwise from other creators, it’s just content I’m making for a limited number of fans every month as a thank you for being so supportive of me in particular.
This archiving has caused me to have to lock almost all of my older videos so they can’t be viewed on archive sites anymore, which was initially supposed to be a temporary bandage. It hurts that I paid so much money for this service, money my community has worked hard for and graciously given me to keep this platform flourishing, and it’s currently in limbo while I’m trying to find out what the best way forward is. Patreon really doesn’t care about helping with people stealing content and basically leaves it in the creator’s hands, which you guys know I’m more than incapable of dealing with stuff like this mentally or physically. The largest reason I became so deeply uncomfortable with creating content online is because of the way people who reposted my content spoke about me. I don’t have the luxury of being able to be offline like other creators, you’re all aware how “plugged in” I am to the internet and it’s hard to separate myself online and cope with the very real trauma of having photos you regret taking forever posted without your control while they don’t understand I have feelings too. I just want to cosplay, make costumes, post some gravure for my community, and enjoy my community the best I can, but I’m terrified of this getting out of control again.
[TW Suicide] I’m sorry if this is a dark turn, but earlier this year in February-March I tried to end my own life. It was around the time a cosplay of mine went viral for the first time and I was posting content on another platform still, one that is explicitly popular because of sex work and nsfw content. I still never did nudity or even lingerie content towards the end of using this platform, it was almost exactly what I post here but posing with adult toys occasionally - but it was so scary seeing my online atmosphere shift drastically towards people suddenly seeing me as someone who wanted to do sex work proudly because I posted a cosplay I thought would just get a few 100 likes while having an account on that platform. I had just a few followers, a few supporters, and struggled to make money on that platform to help pay medical bills and my increased rent. Suddenly my online small presence was overwhelmed with people who saw me only in an erotic light - and a lot of them. There were random reposts of my cosplays on websites mocking my appearance, asking for my nudes, saying I was deformed - it was terrifying. I grew up without attention for most of my life and didn’t really know how to deal with it. A lot of things started happening rapidly and very long, sad story short - I ended up in the hospital very briefly (no health insurance lol) and have been working really hard to use my resources the best I can up until now to be healthier from that time. I haven’t really had a chance to get better or do better since this happened, July was the only month since this all went down where I was equally in a dark place as I was then and I’m doing much better now but still not… great. When I make jokes acknowledging my sadness behind my eyes it’s my way of coping with the fear that the only way I make money right now might result in someone malicious finding me, and it’s horrible. I’ve dreamed of having a community like you guys my entire life up until this point and the fact that I was using that platform before has created this dark shroud over my online existence to me, and now because of that this isn’t just a platform for people who care for me to support me to receive love back - it’s viewed as something that is supposed to be shared with the world who wants to see me sexually. I’m an idol at heart and just want to cheer everyone up. [/TW suicide]
I really, deeply care about the people who support me here. I notice when you have to leave your tier, I notice when you don’t like my posts or when you spam like a lot of them at 3AM,, who DMs me support, who comments kind words, who is active in my discord, who’s quiet, I miss you when you go and I’m so happy when I see some of you come back. I really love this community I have and it’s the biggest thing keeping me strong. Life is really, really, REALLY hard right now for so many people - mentally, physically, financially, there is so much hardship being endured by everyone. And I want this place to be a place people find comfort and love where they can see stuff they enjoy.
Please trust me when I say I’m trying really hard to work out ways for my content to be shared again to you easily while still being exclusive and worth your money. I care deeply because people deserve to have the luster left on what they pay for. I may need to start having to do extra steps like dming passwords or including passwords with tiers for a while, but it’s still being set up - the people who are in those tiers will get a DM from me about the older video content when I finally find a solution. I may, sadly, have to redo and gut my Patreon AGAIN for the 4th time since starting it, but I will find a solution for you. I honor the money you gave me to support me and I want you to know I’m using it and working hard to make stuff you’d love to see.
Truly, I really love you Patrons, thank you so much with your patience with this horrible problem that I’m ashamed has gone on for so long. I’m really sorry, also, for the people who supported me and left because of this issue. I care so much for you and am grateful you wanted to see my content.
I try my best to separate my identity and be your little cosplayer inside your PC, but on the other side I promise there is just normal Candy, a struggling sick person who just really wants joy in my life for once and to add joy to yours for finding me online. I hope we can support kindness and let this community flourish happily.
I love you! November plans and graphics will be up tomorrow, as well as announcing my official Pochaco Birthday plans!