Published: February 28th 2018, 2:43:57 pm
I've realized in life is that we get dependant on people. Other humans, other peoples eyes, bodies, thoughts. We fall in love with someone and we hang on to it for days, months, sometimes even years, decades. Even if time passes between us, we'd still see them years later and love them as much as we did for the first time. But why the fuck is that?
What matters most in those moments is to realize how you are during the times when they're not around and not only physically but mentally aswell. When you have countries between you, when you have different beds, different lives, different obstacles and understandings- why do they matter in a moment but never when you're in an early lecture in university or on a night out with friends. Why is it that we only think of that one person when we smoke a lonely cigarette on a late night, before falling asleep or right after waking up? Because those are the few minutes of every single day that we are alone. When we're in our company alone and have nothing else to face but the reality of only having ourselves. Because we've learned from the history of humanity and ancient mythology, just our own parents- having a second is a must. Sharing your life with some other body is a mandatory part of being happy. We've evolved in this society for centuries. We have maintaned life because of sex and having offspring. Having someone to carry our name and our lives. But it's never been about that. Having children has always been about maintining our species. By now i'd say that we've spiraled out of control and all we know is that a part of growing up is also about finding a partner not IN life but FOR life. Why has it yet to become a standard to become a single in this brief moment that we can say that we live? Being single is more about being an individual, being yourself and trusting your own gut to make decisons, come up with expectations and limits. Being more than just a spot of pleasure and support. I am not lifesupport and I do not fucking need one either.
Everything we live through in life, every single teaching our mother has given us since dust has inicially become a thought floating around in our minds. Like when you make tea without a teabag- the bits and pieces fly around but eventually settle. That's the same thing that happens in our own minds. We have an experience, a lesson, sometimes even a person who makes something fly around in our mind. You have the best ever sex with someone and without even realizing it they've started a float in your mind. And as long as that float stays floating it will never become a settled experience. Once it settles onto every other lived and ached experience- only then you can start settling after-thoughts on it. It becomes a layer after layer of experience, teaching, pain, victory. We become ourselves through this process. We can set realistic understandings and limits for the people we let into our lives. You keeping the thought of her afloat in your mind will forever keep her as a priority. Let the thought of her settle. Try to fall asleep in the darkest night thinking about you and you'll find that once you wake: the first thought will be about your life not hers or his. Learning to love and appreciate you is something that will teach you about prioritising and developing a lifeplan that doesn't necessarily have to include a second. I feel like as humans and humanity goes- it's about time to understand that being alone could be a norm. I'm ready to start that, are you?
Love and be loved, but never be dependant and depended on. There's a big enough part of humanity that takes care of our bloodline, has offspring- not all of us have to.