Published: May 23rd 2023, 7:12:24 pm
Hi friends,
Seems like I was just here giving you the schedule and now I'm back with the most devasting news ever. This morning, I sadly had to let my baby Poe cross the rainbow bridge. We had tried for two months to get him doing better, but at thirteen years old (just shy of his 14th birthday) things got really rough. You might have been following the progress, and some of you even check in on us (I REALLY APPRECIATE IT) and if not a quick summation is : Poe suffered a spinal stroke- after getting put on a nerve and seizure pain medication and a steroid he was REALLY improving. Just last week I had booked his appointment to start physical therapy and acupuncture. His DR. was raving about how much she thought it could once again improve his mobility. He was eating a lot, getting up to walk around and interested in going for walks. I really thought we had turned the corner and me and my baby would have a few more years together at least.
But I had told them, at any point they knew it was time- that for him I would make that choice so he would never be in pain. We weren't there
Over the weekend it became time to wean him off of his steroid in preparation for rehab and continuing on with his nerve medicine. The day the wean started it was like someone had took some air out of him. Still eating and moving around but not as peppy. I figured it was a side effect and he went to enjoy some relax time with his buddies while I took a 2 day trip for my birthday. Yesterday it all changed. In the matter of 24 hours he went from 80% to 50%. Last night he began to curl back inwards putting a strain on his neck. He was yelping and wouldn't let me help him. I booked a follow up in hopes it was lack of steroid and inflammation had set back in.
Around 5 AM he let me get him comfy with a blanket and got some sleep in my arms. We headed to the vet at 8:45.
I explained what was going on and they took him back to see his regular DR and a the senior vet on staff.
The news was one no pet parent ever wants. You've done all you can do, he's dying - he's in pain - his gums are becoming paler, he's ready to go. Obviously I love him enough to NEVER let him suffer and my selfishness of wanting him here with me wouldn't change that.
I made the toughest choice I've ever made to let him go.
Poe was my first dog I ever got as an adult. I got him when I was 18, he was 6 weeks old. We've been together ever since (besides the amazing 2 years he got to be a service boy for my grandmother and shower her with love and get spoiled rotten). Poe has been my constant. Anyone who knows him, knows he was a mommy's boy. He was attached at my hip. Chihuahua's bond hard. They're fiercely loyal, and he was. We've spent almost 14 years of happiness together. Until Feb of this year , that little guy had zero health problems and lived SUCH a good life. I always remarked he was the healthiest dog ever - he went to the vet for check ups and shots. That was it. Where his sister had injured herself more times than I can count lol. I often said I was amazed at just how spry he had stayed even the older he got. He was a love bug, there's no other word for him.
I'm taking solace in the fact his Dr said he probably had a super amazing last couple of weeks, clearly no pain and he spent it with me and Boo - being loved and spoiled. Existing happily in his new bed and just being a happy boy.
We spent some time together. I held him as much as I could. I kissed him a million times, nuzzled his ears just like he loved and I held his paw and kept my face next to his as he fell asleep for the last time.
And I lost it. It's now almost afternoon and despite my love of using work to take me away from any problem I have - I can't .
Poe isn't a dog. He was my little boy. He is family. He was the only constant companion I had through some of the darkest years. He was always sweet, he was loved by LITERALLY anyone who met him. He changed a lot of people's views on Chi's. He was the best boy, and my longest love - I don't think I'll ever get over him.
I know I gave him a wonderful life. I know he knows he was loved. I don't regret the last two months, I did everything I could. Spent whatever. And I'd do it all over again. I kept fighting as long as he wanted to, and I promised him I always would.
I would appreciate it if you could see it in your heart to understand that I most likely will find it hard to adhere to the schedule I had set.
Yes, content will still come out and everything will be done by the end of the month but please be understanding if it's on different days.
Normally throwing myself into creating makes me feel LOADS better but I truly have no idea what I'll feel from one second to the next.
Thank you for being here with me, I hope the realness and me pouring this out to you means what I hope it means.
Please keep Boo in your thoughts, while she didn't know Poe all his life - she had him as a constant buddy for the past 7 years and she can tell something isn't quite right.
The show will go on, I assure you that - that's what keeps me going on the worst of days.
If you've made it this far, thank you for sticking around to the end. Thank you for giving me some grace and time to heal a bit. I have no doubt I'll feel more like myself in a few days. But today, I need to cry. I need to find a way to be okay without my Poe
xo
V