Personal Update ☆
Hey, so I realize some of you have been c..
Published: January 17th 2022, 4:10:40 pm
Personal Update ☆
Hey, so I realize some of you have been concerned and may not be following my twitter (highly suggest you follow my twitter).
I did a little post a while back mentioning that I lost my partner and that I'd try to keep up with content. So first I really need to tell you that I had no idea how hard the holidays would be on me. When I say I lost my partner, I don't mean "Oh, yeah, we were dating for awhile and broke up. And that's hard, because losing someone you care about always is, but I'll get over it." No.. No, we had been close friends for about 9 years now. He was my best friend in all the world. He was the absolute love of my life. I say this a lot but nothing has ever been more true - I had no idea that it was possible to be loved by another person that much, and I had no idea I was capable of loving anyone that much either. It hit me like a train and there was no stopping it, even though I honestly tried. All my life I was just escaping one situation to the next in hopes that whatever I found wouldn't be as bad, always trying to get away from things I knew I didn't want. But the moment he came back into my life, he changed that. He was the first thing I ever wanted. I was going towards something, not away from it. I pictured a future for the first time in my entire life. And losing him is life having all of my happiness torn from me. All the good things about my life, all the possibilities of a happy future, all of it, gone. You cannot possibly understand unless you have truly felt a loss so profound. I have been struggling to breathe, to make it through each day. And the holidays.. without them?.. I.. I couldn't.. I could barely bring myself to muster the energy to get through them, focusing on my little one. I spent the holidays with his family without him and..it was just so hard.
On top of all of that, we have been sick the last couple of weeks. My partner's family who has been helping us all got covid and had to quarantine. My little one has been sick and had to stay home for the majority of the last month, limiting my work more both with the fact that I haven't had time alone to make content and the fact that parenting someone sick is a whole lot more straining (not to mention the fact that I'm still adjusting to being a single parent and doing all of this alone). I have been vastly overwhelmed for weeks now.
So as far as content goes, yes, I'll be making content and scheduling some out as soon as I'm able. Assuming that all the sickness has passed and I'll actually have to time/ability to focus on my work, I hope to do it this week. I also have kept my page on discount to reflect the fact that I know I haven't been able to keep up with everything. I've been hoping that all my backlogs of content would suffice considering the drop in price and all I'm going through right now. If I haven't responded to your messages, it's partially because 1: of course I have needed the break and haven't been able to check everyday. And 2: I do not have the mental health to be able to sort through messages of people being angry and mean and making me feel even worse when I'm already barely surviving. Some of you are incredibly kind. Some of you are nasty and entitled and treat me like less than a human. So I'm far more likely to respond to messages sent to me through Twitter (please let me know if you're coming from onlyfans) than I am to go through my messages here. Because in general, people are kinder to me on Twitter.