Blog Post: How to approach group play, Sunny and Skye's way ..
Published: October 9th 2023, 1:32:35 am
Blog Post: How to approach group play, Sunny and Skye's way 🌞
We recently have had a few new friends on here asking about how to get started in group play. How to find a third, what boundaries should be set, goals etc. and I wanted to share our personal answer. The amazing thing about group play and open relationships is that there are so many different ways to explore them and as long as it is within the boundaries that you set as a couple and you are a being kind and ethical slut the world is yours. But here is how we approach group play ♥️
How to find someone:
In our opinion the best way to find someone is to try and figure out with your partner what kind of person you would want to play with. For example, do you want them to be a friend or more casual (pros and cons to both) do you have a certain type of person you would both be into etc. Talk about who is your type. Tinder and bumble can be a fun way to just to see who you both are attracted to. Then talk about what type of experience you’re looking to have. Do you want an on going thing or a much more casual thing? We try to m33t anyone that we play with in the most natural way possible, like at concerts or festivals, but that isn't possible for everyone with busy schedules and that is where online sites and apps can be helpful. We have found that SDC or Kasidie are good swinger websites for finding others to play with, they require a membership and verification but have yielded amazing connections for a lot of our friends. Feeld is a progressive dating app depending on your area and can be used like Tinder or Bumble but is more sex positive and swinger friendly, and honestly as silly as it sounds, just start manifesting it more in your lives. Don't try to force things or get discouraged, unicorns after all are called that because they can be harder to find so be patient and kind to your partner. 💜
We know what kind of third we want, now what?
After you have talked about what you would be into I would talk about what is your goal of playing with someone else. When we play with others we do it because we love sharing experiences together, and making other people feel really loved along with trying to fulfill their fantasies as well. There is a misconception that people play with others because they are lacking in their core relationship, if that is the case playing with others may ruin your relationship- so I would just talk together and ask what is the goal and reason why you want to play with others. But be honest and clear with your communication.
What about boundaries?
From there I would talk about boundaries, and you may only start to learn what these are when you start playing with others- at first my boundary was that Sunny doesn't cum in someone else, but when we started to play with others I actually didn't care and wanted him to just enjoy his time no matter what happened with no pressure, now a boundary for us is no one sleeps in the bed with us simply because we learned there is no room. So boundaries can and should evolve with lots of check in's and communication. It is also incredibly important to respect your partners boundary without trying to guilt them or pressure them. This is incredibly new territory and can be so scary to open your relationship up to others, so be kind with each other. Hard boundaries should never be approached or pushed, but soft boundaries can evolve and be talked about together. It is also incredibly important that both of you want to do this and are both sure about this, you should never feel pressured or pressure your partner into group play when they are not 100% ready to explore, this can result in harming your foundation.
How do I navigate nervousness?
Nervousness is there, and is always there for our first time with new people because we just want to make sure everyone enjoys each other. Performance anxiety might also show up during these times, and it is 1000% okay and 1000% okay to feel nervous! Nerves=excitement! You are doing something new! How we mitigate this a little is by getting close and becoming friends with anyone we are going to play with. We start group chats, talk about things we want to try, we flirt, sext, talk about things we may be nervous about, and we just be as real as possible. We have learned that open honest clear communication is the most important thing in these dynamics and once you open that communication you can just keep growing and trying new things together. We also talk about our turn on's, turn off's, and triggers with anyone we are about to play with and open the space for them to do the same. We have also learned that the more you talk about the realness of it, the more you will realize that everyone is nervous, so have fun with it and the second time you may feel a little more comfortable! It is okay to fumble and I hope you are playing with others that you feel safe with to stumble a bit at first.
How do I make sure everyone gets off:
You don't, and I encourage you to not make that a goal of sex! Your goal should be to enjoy everyone as much as possible and everyone should walk away feeling loved and cared for in that safe space. Something that was hard for us the first couple of times was the feeling of multitasking during group play and pressure to make sure everyone else is feeling as good as possible. Group play can be a lot to juggle, especially as the guy in the group you are trying to make multiple women feel good, including making yourself feel good, and stay hard all at the same time! Don't put so much pressure on yourself! It has been helpful in our dynamic for Sunny to take the lead during threesomes. Telling us what to do, or moving us into positions. Reddit and porn can help with ideas of that so I encourage you to check out some videos together to get some ideas of what might be fun. Honestly, neither of us came until our third threesome together, but we still had an absolutely incredible experiences! We were all so focused on making each other feel good that we didn't take the time to really make ourselves feel good or want too much attention focused on one of us long enough for us to cum. So don't feel stressed or pressured to cum right away, give yourself permission to just explore and have fun with no goal in mind other then making everyone feel loved. Once we started getting more and more comfortable with the friends we were playing with we really dove into what each of us needed to cum and would focus as a group on each of us individually, which is a truly beautiful thing 🥵!
How do I make sure no one feels left out?
Some people worry that they might "feel left out," during group play, because realistically you don't have two dick's and at times will be focusing on one or the other person. This is why it is important for us to build that friendship so that that state of mind doesn't pop in. At no point should anyone feel left out, it is a group play after all. Watching is still playing, holding hands or touching and kissing while playing with someone else, getting up and getting drinks or a snack and taking a break is all still part of the fun! It is important to talk about what everyone needs prior to a scene as well so that they do not feel left out and should be a part of your group play negotiation.
What happens when we are done?
After care is incredibly important for anyone joining you guys, you are inviting someone into your relationship and you don't want them leaving feeling used. This is why it is so important to ask them prior to playing what type of aftercare they need and remembering to make time for that aftercare. Whether that is cuddling, staying over, going out for dinner, watching a movie, talking about the play time, walking them to their car and so on. Just don't sever it and kick them out, unless that is what they wants kinda thing! It is super important to remember that your unicorn is there because you wanted them there and they are there because she wants to experience your love! So give them a good experience to remember!
What do we do as a couple after the group play session?
One thing I have found to be super important to Sunny and I, and why we still love our group play so much, is that when we are alone after the play, Sunny and I will talk about what we loved about it. We will also talk about anything I may be feeling insecure or concerned about, after all jealousy is a real thing at times but very important to talk about it in that exact moment and not let any resentment grow. Following us debriefing about it the two of us will often have sex. Having our own time for intimacy shortly after is something we have really started to enjoy as part of our group play experiences. Regardless it is so so so important to make space to talk about the experiences and to be empathetic to each other, after all there is no group play if there isn't a group ❤️
I wrote about our first ever threesome experience and if you are looking for that, since it was not recorded I would love for you to read it to see how we initiated it, ended it, and what we learned from it. https://onlyfans.com/405145782/sunnyskyuncensored
Have you had a bad group play experience?
Unfortunately we have, and those things are bound to happen. Not everyone is as kind or as respectful as we can hope for, and at times you don't learn that till after the fact, but Sunny and I's core foundation is so strong that it is okay and everything is a lesson learned. We do everything we can to give the best loving experience, and we feel like we are doing it for the right reason that even the bad experiences do not ruin the love for us. It can be so incredible playing with others, sharing our love with others, watching Sunny make other women feel loved and incredible, having Sunny tell another man exactly what I like, being able to have incredible deep and meaningful friendships, I could just go on! It also takes an incredible strong foundation to bring someone else into your relationship, so please be kind and patient with your partner when starting to explore this.
Thank you so much for your curiosity and kink friends!