omg, it feels really good to be fully myself.
i feel like i..
Published: August 9th 2022, 2:13:52 am
omg, it feels really good to be fully myself.
i feel like i’ve spent so much time censoring myself, biting my tongue, doing risk calculations, and trying not to offend. i don’t think anyone’s ever asked me to; i just do it, blindly. i am loathe to inflict myself on others, to the point where existing at an authentic pitch, sometimes even vocalizing myself in ways that arent overly mediated, has become alien to me. i am just terrified that i might be a harmful force in my most natural or unbridled state.
a few friends have warned me that my ‘force’ generally only becomes violent when i muffle it; it breeds resentment, in me. so i have the occasional tendency to explode at people in abrupt ways. it’s a hydraulic issue.
i am trying to teach myself, or perhaps allow myself, to express my thoughts and feelings in their various registers of acuteness, frankness, complexity or simplicity. i am keen to be firm.
when i am in a state of inspiration, i come off as maniacal, and i am certain the effect imparts some truth. i really believe that the times of our most productive growth are times where we become heated up. it makes us mouldable.
i am glad for all of you on here. sharing this with you feel intimate; it makes me hope you are experiencing something exciting, or challenging, or promising as well.
