*#ExploringSexuality* Talking about our sexual desires may ..
Published: September 10th 2024, 3:54:39 am
*#ExploringSexuality*
Talking about our sexual desires may seem uncomfortable at first, but believe me, it's one of the best ways to create a deeper connection with your partner... and have the best sex! 🌟 Here are some tips to help the conversation flow naturally. This guide is designed to walk you through what to do before and during the conversation, as well as offer a simple definition of pegging and help demystify its main myths.
***BEFORE THE CONVERSATION***
1️⃣ **Set the stage:**
I recently discovered that for many women, sexual response doesn't necessarily activate during the sexual act itself but through gestures of affection and attention that don’t have an immediate sexual intention. We enjoy feeling heard and valued through thoughtful gestures that show genuine interest, which creates a more comfortable space for expressing our desires openly.
As sexologist Emily Nagoski explains in her book "Come as You Are": "Sexual desire in women often arises as a response to emotional intimacy, not simply as a spontaneous reaction—like it often does in men. Emotional stimuli, such as feeling heard, supported, and connected, are just as important as physical ones."
It's important to note that although this happens to most women, each one has her own way of experiencing and activating sexual desire, so it's not a universal rule.
2️⃣ **Choose the right moment, outside the bedroom:**
Pick a relaxed, distraction-free moment. Avoid talking about sexual topics when either of you is stressed, busy, or in bed. Sometimes, a walk or dinner is the perfect context where we feel more at ease, allowing the conversation to flow naturally.
3️⃣ **Mentally rehearse:**
Imagine how you would bring up the conversation and how well it could go. This will give you more confidence to approach the subject calmly.
***DURING THE CONVERSATION***
1️⃣ **Start with positivity and validation:**
Tell your partner what you already enjoy about your sex life: "I love what we do together, and I’ve been thinking about how we could try something new." This approach opens the door without making your partner feel that something is wrong. Validate what turns you on about your partner, like: "Seeing you in your underwear after a shower excites me" or "That blowjob you gave me the other day was incredible."
2️⃣ **Ask open-ended questions and listen:**
Showing interest in your partner's desires is key. Ask: "Is there something you've always wanted to try that we haven't done?" or "What would you like to explore more in our intimacy?" The idea is to create a space of mutual curiosity. Listen without interrupting and follow up with questions that show genuine interest in what they say.
3️⃣ **Present it as a shared fantasy:**
You can say: "I've been thinking about something I'd like to explore together, what do you think?" This opens the conversation without pressure and allows both of you to share fantasies.
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about some things I’d love for us to try together. I love what we already do, but I’d love to know what you think about trying something new, like pegging. What do you think?”
4️⃣ **Listen and validate her feelings:**
If your partner has doubts or questions, listen attentively and validate their feelings: "I understand this might be new for you, and I want you to feel comfortable." You can also suggest starting slowly or showing a video that explains the practice in a sensual, playful way. Most women feel more attracted to sensual content rather than purely explicit content.
***WHAT IS PEGGING?***
Pegging is a sexual practice where a woman uses a strap-on dildo to anally penetrate her male partner. Despite what many might think, it has nothing to do with a person's sexual orientation. This practice simply adds a new dimension to mutual pleasure and allows both partners to explore different sensations.
**Common Myths About Pegging:**
"It defines sexual orientation": False. Sexual orientation is defined by attraction to other genders, not by the sexual practices you enjoy with your partner.
"It's painful": If done carefully, with relaxation and enough lubricant, pegging shouldn’t be painful. Like any new practice, it’s about taking it slowly and listening to your body.
"It's dirty": With good hygiene before the encounter, the risks are minimal.
I understand that talking about topics like this might feel uncomfortable at first, but it's important to remember that there's nothing more natural and healthy than exploring and enjoying sexuality openly, free from taboos and prejudices. As sexologist Shirley Zussman, one of the most respected in the field, said: "A satisfying sex life is not only key to emotional and physical well-being, but it also strengthens relationships and improves our overall quality of life." When we allow ourselves to fully enjoy our sexuality, that positive energy reflects in all areas of our lives, from personal confidence to relationships and achievements.
If you have any questions or want to share how it went after trying these tips, I’d love to hear from you! 💋 Feel free to leave me a comment or send me a private message.
With love,
Kate