I’m gonna start with a big sorry for being so absent the las..
Published: November 2nd 2023, 6:26:59 pm
I’m gonna start with a big sorry for being so absent the last few weeks.
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(Imagine the above is a big and beautiful ASCII "sorry")
I hope you enjoyed my “illustrations” and stories but I know that’s not really what you’re here for. You may have seen me explain this on threads if you follow me there already but I basically never take breaks. I know that probably seems like a joke coming from me when even at the best of times I produce content at the speed of snail slime but it’s true. I am a genuinely very ill person and all the time I am in the state of “working” I am either pushing myself very hard to make something or I am mentally attacking and berating myself for not creating something. No resting in the evening or at weekends, always being mean to myself. My brain won’t let me relax or rest at any point unless I have used some *ahem* mental lubricants. I managed to take the odd week here and there at points where I was feeling very bad and I think I remember taking 2 weeks at the start of the year but this has been the longest actual break I’ve had since starting 2 years ago.
I’ve had to learn the hard way that you can only patch so many holes in a boat before it needs to be pulled out of the water for a refit. For the month before my break I was at the point where just thinking about having to see myself in a photo or on video made me hide in my bed, which clashed with the terrible pressure compelling me to produce content or everyone will hate me and I’llbelettingeverybodydownohmygodTHEWORLDISGOINGTOEND so I wanted to sneak another week off in there but I ended up taking a few more. Manic Alice lasted about 3 hours.
For what it’s worth, I feel so much better. Levels of consciousness I haven’t felt in months or years have returned to me and I took these photos for you without crying or even thinking about diving out the window once! I am very sad I missed halloween though, I may end up doing something late that’s Halloween-y anyway cos I LIVE BY MY OWN RULES!!
So anyway, I am back, I am refreshed, I love you and I appreciate you all so much. I’m going to do my best to make it up to you all until I inevitably burn out again but hopefully it will be a long time until then :3
