Published: July 28th 2025, 12:15:55 am
ill be making a video post AND photoset today to make up for not being online at all.
my bad, long text below if you wanna read about me being depressed LOL
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WELP sorry I once again did not post yesterday like I planned to, usually once my period starts the depression lifts A LOT but this time around I feel basically the same as I have for the last 2 weeks or more. 🥲 I have content to post but just sitting down and focusing, writing, uploading editing ANYTHING feels so difficult. And the more I put it off the harder it is to get back on top of :( I feel rly bad about how behind on customs I am (if you’ve paid for one and get rly tired of waiting for me, just DM me and we can work out a refund or something else)
I know a lot of ppl want to suggest therapy and I appreciate the sentiment but I have been to therapy before and unfortunately it really did not help me. Most of my serious depression and anxieties are about things completely beyond my control, or aren’t about me. My life is pretty nice, I like my job I love my boyfriend and our garden and my cats. But I struggle deeply with the cruelty of the world and especially right now, the sheer insanity and cruelty of American politics. I have to admit I feel ridiculous some days trying to sit down and make porn when there’s people being snatched and disappeared off the streets in the city I live in, or in America at all. I think about my tax dollars funding mass murder over seas, and people here celebrating it or just not caring at all. And on top of all of those things, in the back of my mind I’m somewhat ALWAYS thinking about animals in slaughter houses and on farms, living and dying in pain and never knowing love or comfort. Please do not take this as an invitation to try to tell me you only eat small local farms meat, or your family had a farm and etc etc.
So anyway. I’m trying to focus my energy more on DOING things, helping people, helping animals, whatever I can. It’s just very very hard, especially when I feel like other people simply look the other way with so many of these issues bc they don’t have to change anything about their comfortable life. I want to feel like people care as much as I do and I know plenty of people do. But it’s enough to make me crazy sometimes.
Thanks for reading all that if you did, I promise I will get back on top of work here very soon, and I appreciate everyone that sticks around through my slow times. 🖤