mila_show

The other day I lost a close friend of mine. No, luckily she is fine, but after our last meeting she wrote to me: "I decided to stop our close communication. But sometimes I will borrow money from you and you can ask me for help if you need it." At first I thought it was some kind of joke. We hadn't been apart for over 20 years. Yes, we had become very different over the years, but that bond, like a kinship bond, was very dear to me. I insisted on talking to her and found out that the reason is my personal boundaries. For example, during our meeting after a small amount of alcohol she starts calling everyone and inviting them to our party, and I ask her not to do that. She also doesn't like that I ask her not to approach men on the street with the offer to "meet my beautiful friend", i.e. me. In her opinion, all this restricts her freedom. After all, if she wants to behave in a crackpot way, she can't do it because of my requests. But it turns out that she wants me to accept her freedom (even if it interferes with me personally) without accepting my restrictions. It's very hard to put into words. But I feel very broken, like after a divorce. #life

Published: September 22nd 2024, 8:24:06 am

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The other day I lost a close friend of mine. No, luckily she is fine, but after our last meeting she wrote to me: "I decided to stop our close communication. But sometimes I will borrow money from you and you can ask me for help if you need it." At first I thought it was some kind of joke. We hadn't been apart for over 20 years. Yes, we had become very different over the years, but that bond, like a kinship bond, was very dear to me. I insisted on talking to her and found out that the reason is my personal boundaries. For example, during our meeting after a small amount of alcohol she starts calling everyone and inviting them to our party, and I ask her not to do that. She also doesn't like that I ask her not to approach men on the street with the offer to "meet my beautiful friend", i.e. me. In her opinion, all this restricts her freedom. After all, if she wants to behave in a crackpot way, she can't do it because of my requests. But it turns out that she wants me to accept her freedom (even if it interferes with me personally) without accepting my restrictions. It's very hard to put into words. But I feel very broken, like after a divorce. #life

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There is a phrase in the Russian language that "it's harder to make friends as you get older". I don't know how to relate to this thought. My social circle has changed completely several times since I emigrated. 
At first it is painful, but then you get used to it.

You learn somehow not to get attached to people. 

Another important point is that I myself have reduced part of my circle of friends. 
And, unfortunately, not only friends. 

I had to stop communicating with my grandmother because she was constantly insulting my parents. Every time we talked on the phone, she spoke very badly about my dad and my mom. 
I told her that and she stopped talking to me. But I don't feel like I should have kept quiet. 
I was relieved. 

The same situations happened with some of my friends. 
For example, I had to stop communicating with a friend because our communication was always only on his terms. But it was a case where there are a lot of demands on you, but not a lot of benefits. 

So I got out of that relationship. 

It also happened with a friend of mine who knew how much I loved my dog. She was with me all the way through her growing up. Took a lot of pictures with her for my instagram, but she never wrote me a word of condolence. 
When I have something to give, she's always there for me. When I need trivial compassion and support - it's not there. 

And my relationship also ended with a friend who, knowing how I feel about my house, smoked in my bathroom where I grow orchids after I explained to her twice that we don't smoke at home. She didn't even apologize. 

Then, on my birthday she went with my friends to a different bar than where I went. And instead of being there for me in my 30s, she drank with people she was seeing for the first time in her life. 
There was no apology after that. Only aggression towards me. 

And she posted pictures of my dog on instagram too, but she didn't express any words of sympathy either. 

And that's how I slowly cleared my mental space. 

I try to surround myself with people who a

There is a phrase in the Russian language that "it's harder to make friends as you get older". I don't know how to relate to this thought. My social circle has changed completely several times since I emigrated. At first it is painful, but then you get used to it. You learn somehow not to get attached to people. Another important point is that I myself have reduced part of my circle of friends. And, unfortunately, not only friends. I had to stop communicating with my grandmother because she was constantly insulting my parents. Every time we talked on the phone, she spoke very badly about my dad and my mom. I told her that and she stopped talking to me. But I don't feel like I should have kept quiet. I was relieved. The same situations happened with some of my friends. For example, I had to stop communicating with a friend because our communication was always only on his terms. But it was a case where there are a lot of demands on you, but not a lot of benefits. So I got out of that relationship. It also happened with a friend of mine who knew how much I loved my dog. She was with me all the way through her growing up. Took a lot of pictures with her for my instagram, but she never wrote me a word of condolence. When I have something to give, she's always there for me. When I need trivial compassion and support - it's not there. And my relationship also ended with a friend who, knowing how I feel about my house, smoked in my bathroom where I grow orchids after I explained to her twice that we don't smoke at home. She didn't even apologize. Then, on my birthday she went with my friends to a different bar than where I went. And instead of being there for me in my 30s, she drank with people she was seeing for the first time in her life. There was no apology after that. Only aggression towards me. And she posted pictures of my dog on instagram too, but she didn't express any words of sympathy either. And that's how I slowly cleared my mental space. I try to surround myself with people who a