(Continued...)
I logged back on to my accounts to read some comments and messages even though I told him I would stay off. I started talking to a few guys who really turned me on. I really liked how one guy in particular talked to me.
He'd always call me names, but his favorites were "ass fuck" and "butt fuck". He'd say things like, "Good look closing that little shitter after I get a hold of you." or "I own you, you dumb fuckin bitch. It's not up to you."
It didn't take long for me to cave to his aggressiveness and go meet him despite still having a boyfriend. It was wrong of me, and I feel like a pos typing this out, but it's part of my story.
I fucked that guy a few times. He started training my ass again as it had tightened up a little from not being trained. I'd go back home to my boyfriend after being used by him for hours. I was being a bad, dumb little bitch.
Surprise, surprise. He ended up being kind of abusive. I won't go into it here because it's not exactly site-friendly, but it was way too much for me. I like pain. I like being dominated, degraded, and overwhelmingly so, but there needs to be some trust that the guy won't really send me to the hospital or something. I didn't have that with him. There's a fun, hot scared feeling that goes along with being owned by a sadist, but I was scared, sad, and no longer turned on.
I went home, after one especially rough night and slept alone. My mental state was not great. I guess I was feeling destructive because I went back a few nights later. This was a mistake.
I was lucky not to get seriously hurt. I decided not to see him again, and that I needed to figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life. I realized I need to be used and degraded. I need to be anal fuckmeat. I need to be someone's bitch. It's my purpose. It's what makes me cum the hardest, but it also needs to be done by someone who cares about me.
